Facts about Param Pujya, Satkaar jog Sri Sri Sri Pendu’s

D I S C L A I M E R: This article is meant to find the traces of Penduism in your ‘whisky-filled’ veins. Any resemblance to real persons or Dildo is purely intentional coincidental. This article doesn’t target any particular Person (It simply target's YOU), Caste (God is One), Creed (Huh??), Colour (of turban), Sex (only after marriage), place of Origin (uterus), Religion (Penduism for Life), Vehicle (Indica or Safari), Kurta Pajama (only white), Canada (I mean Kaneda) or even a pair of man boobs (I have them).
If you still feel offended after reading my article, then kindly consult your English teacher (If you ever had one). If you feel like punching me after going through my shit-coated mind, then you are definitely a Pendu. On the other hand, if you enjoy my writing, then you are on the last stage of Penduism. In any case, YOU ARE A PENDU and so am I.

The views expressed here are mine and do not reflect the official opinion of my neighbour, whose wireless Internet I accessed to publish this article.


Who the Fuck is a Pendu?

Pendu is a person who likes to fuck -----> his own Life.
Pendu is someone who has moulded the facts according to the comfort of his own Piles-affected Ass. Someone who is unable to segregate facts from fiction, just like CBI (Congress Bureau of Investigation)
A person, who always tries to pull someone down to his own standards, can very well be stamped as a Pendu.

In short, Pendu’s are not villagers. Pendu’s are failed semen of Marathi Manoos. Someone who thinks from his testicles, is referred to as a Pendu and the act of following the ideology of a Pendu is called Penduism.

You don’t have to live in a village to feel Pendu. You simply have to stop using your brain to become one.


The following points will help you decide if you're a Pendu or not.


1. Jattism is no religion. Sorry, to burst the bubble but that’s true. I am sure, some of you will be feeling bad after knowing this, but this is reality. Don’t believe me? Hmmmm... Have you ever heard of Guru Granth Sahib? If yes, then kindly read it and you won’t find a single reference to Jattism there. What you were following till now was Penduism. Try to follow Sikhism, Hinduism, or any other religion and you will definitely become a Human soon.

2. Three steps in the life of a stupid Pendu

• Get the hair chopped

• Go to Chandigarh

• Fly to Kaneda

3. ‘IELTS’ is a short-term course and not a diploma/degree which you keep on doing for years.

4. There are things above ‘BULT’ and ‘Open Jeep’. Standard Bullet with Alloys is not the Best. It’s the cheapest you Douche Bag.

5. Instead of girls, Pendu’s dream of Chandigarh. Given an opportunity to choose between sleeping with a Boy Girl and sleeping in Chandigarh, I’m sure they will select the latter. They actually go horny seeing the boats at Sukhna Lake.

6. NO WAY ... are Harbhajan Maan movies cool. They are simply kiddish.
In first half of the movie, he says ‘Maa, mera Kaneda jaan da nai jee karda’ and after the interval he wants to go to Canada ‘Bapuji, mein Kaneda jawanga’.
Every movie has same actors, only the turban change heads.

CUT THE CRAP man. Just dance like a lame-ass, sing your fudu song and let us all go home.

7. Driving a truck in Canada or a Cab in Australia holds no pride. Pride is working on the fields and feeding India.

8. Every girl’s name is NOT ‘Soneyo’

9. Twisting your moustache is cool. I mean, it’s your moustache. Twist it, curl it or shove it up. It’s up to you. But please don’t do it while passing cheesy comments to girls, whom you later end up making your sisters.

10. ‘Kurta Pajama’ is a good dress but PLEASE don’t wear it at discotheque or at someone’s marriage.
I know your Rs. 400 Kurta Pajama, Rs. 220 Punjabi jutti along with your Rs. 40 hair cut and on top of it, gel worth Rs.3 is a deadly combination, but it do have its limitations.

11. The fake ‘Ray-Ban’ glasses, which you buy from the hawkers at Sector-17, are easily recognizable.

12. Throughout the day they chant ‘Beere Beere’ (They mean ‘Veere’) instead of Waheguru.
Their favourite dialogue is ‘Bai ni u mera? ... Bai ni?’

13. Pendu’s eyes the girl of their own friend. I was once accused of stealing my friend’s girl, but that’s a whole different story.

14. They always arrive late at party but leave early because of a fight. They never fight alone. No NEVER. Actually they can never fight on their own. They need a battalion named '12 bore desi's' to beat a four-foot malnutritioned guy.

15. Every second guy in this world is their cousin. Only God knows how and why.

16. Now a day’s there are so many Pendu’s around, that I won’t be surprised if they demand a new state for themselves, PENDUSTAN, from their Almighty, Super Pendu (Level-Infinity) Parkash Singh Badal.

17. If any girl says “Hello” to a Pendu, she automatically becomes Bhabhi of his friends.

18. They have upgraded their briefs from Kachera to a Jockey but they still prefer Nara instead of Elastic.

19. Why do you modify the silencer of your bike so much that it sounds as if Om Puri has a bad throath?

20. No one is born Pendu, but everyone can die as a Pendu.



DONT’s

1. Don’t try to speak in English, when a God made creature with boobs is in front of you. First of all, you really suck in English. Infact, you also suck in Punjabi.
Girls like Punjabi speaking guys. Just stay connected to your roots and simply uproot the girl.

2. Don’t tell your parents that you are studying your ass out. Dude, you are doing a simple B.A. Even my dog is double M.A. and he also knows foreign language. When he barks, he sounds like ‘Meow, meow’.
So tell your parents that you are enjoying your life in Chandigarh before flying to your massi ji in Kaneda.

Don't fool your parents. God has already been unkind to them

3. Don't use B****C*** and MC as helping verbs to complete your sentence.

4. Don't argue with the waiter when he says that there is no Butter Chicken in a Chinese restaurant.

5. Don't call your Mobile service provider just to flirt with their Call girls. I mean, the girls who take the calls. Believe me, they don't know why your neighbour's bought 'Vodafone wala Kutta'.


Do’s

1. Please wash your hands after scratching your body’s vital organs.

2. Wear a T-shirt which is, for once, longer than your vest.


Pendu’s Laws of Living:

1. Every tractor in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external Bihari Bhaiya is applied to it.

2. The rate of change of Pendu’s life is proportional to the land his father has and goes in the direction of Kaneda.

3. For every action (twisting of moustache) there is an equal and opposite reaction (scratching of crotch).


Pendu’s are alive with a hope that one day they will see the MMS of Miss Pooja.


P.S. - 'Penduism' is a religion followed by all, acknowledged by none.


                                                                                                                  - J.Walia