Not Prei(e)ty anymore

Someone once told me that Preity Zinta was a BADDD BADDD girl back in Shimla. I went to the 'Mall road' and smiled. Then someone told me that her MMS is leaked. I bought a coloured-display phone and smiled like Asif Ali Zardari. THEN SHE BOUGHT PUNJAB’S IPL TEAM and my face turned like that of Sharad Pawar, who wants to speak out his thoughts but the poor words get struck between his teeth’s and lips.

Why, in this ‘Boob-oriented, Ass-dominating’ world, did she buy the IPL team under Punjab’s name? Weren’t Lame-Ass Parkash Singh Badal and his ‘Taare Zameen Par’ type son bad enough for us?

I know she won Godfrey Phillips National Bravery award for standing against Indian Mafia in Bharat Shah’s case. I also know she escaped death twice, but who in this world gave her the right to degrade, already ailing, Punjab even more? Even she will admit now that buying an IPL team was not a brave move.

Why do girls come to the rescue of a drowning man, who is in the water just to clean his shit-smeared ass?

whY wHY WHY??? ( I'm doing my bit to save our planet by asking questions in Green)

Both Preity Zinta and Cricket have one thing in common and that's the ‘FINE LEG’. But I still don’t understand, why she bought a cricket team when she can show her cleavage and earn fast bucks?

I watched ‘Kya Kehna’ and first thought it to be her Biography. It’s not my fault. In the movie, while kissing, hugging and doing *Beep* *Beep* with a random college guy, she seemed so real that I almost thought the I am watching them LIVE. She definitely re-lived her Shimla’s life on Silver screen. Didn’t she? My Mithu told me that she was actually fat when the scenes, in which she was portrayed pregnant, were shot.

She was so fat in that movie, that she could have tied a tent around her stomach and married off four orphan girls at once.

The Bikini which she wore in the movie ‘Soldier’ was bigger than what actresses wear on red carpet today. Anyhow, it was still a pleasure to watch.

Buying a Cricket team is cool if you have a rich unsuccessful boy-friend and couple of his ugly super-rich friends to pool in the money. I mean, even I would have bought something if I had a Rich Boy-Friend Girl friend. Today, I feel like saluting Preity Zinta, because having a team full of Tusshar Kapoor type players, and still having the guts to move in the field is incredible.

The Line-up (To Hug the owner)

1. Yuvraj Singh: I have to say, he looks pregnant. No doubt, Kim Sharma still looks like a man. He has changed more girls in his life than he has changed his cricket bat.

2. Mahela Jayawardana: He is the only Mahela in the world who is a male. Probably the second. India has  Nari Contractor. Wow what a decent, family oriented name to keep. Where was he born? On GB road?

3. Ravi Bopara: Preity bought Ravi Bopara and said that she is happy that she bought another Punjabi….. Okay, so she needed a Punjabi … Hmmmmm …. If she needed a Punjabi, maybe she should have bought YOGRAJ SINGH... Atleast it would hav let Yuvraj concentrate more on cricket.

4. Manvinder Bisla: Who?

5. Mohd. Kaif: Who in this world buys him? His own family have disowned him. He looks like his body is infected with termites and he (If ‘he’ is really ‘HE”) plays as if he is seducing Bobby darling. Preity bought Mohd. Kaif for couple of crores. GOSH!!! She simply proved that money can buy everything but brain.

6. Kumar Sangakkara: In India, we write Kumar after the name and this brave son of Ravaan’s land, write it in front. He was already battling with his own Identity crisis and whatever he was left with, was lost in IPL.

7. Ramesh Pawar: Allow me to laugh first. HAHAHAHAHAHA …. Come on. Is he even fit to play?
When his wife was expecting, he took her to the hospital and guess what, his wife was treated for Gastric trouble while he was admitted to the delivery room. He looks like a Halwai who has eaten all his Ladoo’s all by himself.

8. Sreesanth: The Bitch of Harbhajan. He has unnecessary aggression..... Chalo, if not the ball, atleast his mood swings.

9. Irfan Pathan: Apparently, he hits most sixes than any other batsmen in Kings XI. Rakhshanda Khan shot some arrows of love towards him but he was busy with the daughter of an Indian diplomat in Australia. Nice catch Boy. I hope, someday, you will take some catches in the cricket field and win us matches. Reality Check: "Pathan ki band ho rahi hai dukaan".

10. Piyush Chawla: YAWN!!!!!!

11. Brett Lee: Gora-Chora from the land of Kangaroo’s. He is seen running from his hotel room to Preity Zinta’s room. On paper, he is injured and taking rest but in reality I don’t think Preity bought him to play cricket.

Preity Zinta used to cheer even when Kings XI was getting its ass rubbed against nails. She got huge, hefty, filthy money by selling tickets and from sponsorships and TV rights. Neither she nor her clueless clumsy team lost. Only Kings XI Punjab’s loyal fans lost in this extravaganza display of thighs of 5-dollar sluts, shipped in illegal containers, from South Africa.

Thank God Kings XI Punjab was not formed during "Mahabharata" days.... They are such BIGGG losers that if they were Pandava's, they would have lost so much that Shakuni mama would have showered mercy on them and we would have never witnessed Draupadi's cheer haran . And the way they are playing, the draupadi of their team, Ms. Preity Zinta's cheer haran is also on its way in the fourth season.

Preity Zinta has finally realised that there are some places on this earth where talent counts. If not in Bollywood, then definitely in cricket. I hope she will remove some Arjun Rampal's caliber cricketer's and get some players who are well informed that Preity Zinta's hugs are mere part of the agreement and not the complete deal.

Preity Zinta has now realized that secretly hugging opposite team players can sometimes win her team matches, but mostly it charges the opposite team players and they screwed us right in our home ground.... 4 wins out of 14 games... This is worst then Dia Mirza's acting skills.

Preity Zinta is all set to add another Laurel in the cap of her achievements after the IPL ... She will be the first actor in the world to receive pension after her retirement.... After her team's dismal performance, she is out of money, and do need a constant pay once she retires.

To Ness Wadia: You guys have been making bed sheets from last 131 years and you yourself were unable to spread Preity Zinta on your own bed. Now that’s a pity. You are a bigger loser than Koena Mitra’s doctor who did plastic surgery on her nose.
You were also caught up in a heated verbal argument with Punjab Police. Dude, do anything in your life, you can also throw your shoe at any minister, but don't mess with country's Desi police. They are PUNJAB POLICE and not your marathi manoos who can be shooed away.

Last year your team management was accused of racism by not allowing call girls cheer girls of African origin to shake their booty. Are you nuts?? Who in this world don’t like seeing Black Asses colliding with each other? If your team can’t win matches, why can't you let the spectator’s entertain themselves by seeing God's marvels?

Haven’t you seen Beyonce and Rihanna or were you mesmerized by Oprah Winfrey?

Ellen Degeneres thought Oprah to be a male and said, ‘If this is what you call male, then Fuck it, I’m turning Lesbian’.

To Preity Zinta: Why did you buy the IPL team? Now you will be dragged to ‘Aap ki Adalat’ by Rajat Sharma and he will stare at your dimples as if they were twisted nipples. Believe me, that guy needs therapy.

You wore the same pair of jeans in each and every match. Why? Didn’t you allow Brett Lee to get in your pants this time?

I am not blaming you for Kings XI’s dire loss. I’m simply not giving you the credit for buying the team.

Admit it Girl …. From chul-bully famous BAD girl of Shimla, you have become an aunty of Not-on-my-couch types. A dog came in the field and instead of humping you; he started doing his thing on Ramesh Pawar. Thanks to that brave Son of a Bitch aka Dog, Ramesh Pawar- A cross between an alien and black lagoon, is no longer a Virgin.

 ....... and finally, you chose the perfect color for your team's outfit... The color RED... Your team played like Monkey's Ass.

Question to everyone: What did Preity Zinta's one dimple said to the other? ..... Answer: No matter how much weight Preity gains, we'll always have less fat

P.S.- Preity, I'll still accept you with all your flaws ... Oh Come on!!!!! There is no need to say thanks. Ab rulaegi kya mujhe?


                                                                                                 
                                                               - J.Walia