Bismillah-ir-Rahman-ir-Raheem, Assalaam-o-Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu
Allah is great and I’m late. Late Osama Bin Laden.
Finally, I’m DEAD. As dead as Fardeen Khan’s career. America took nearly 10 years to kill me. What a pity! ACP Pradyuman and his CID team would have done the job in merely an hour.
Frankly, I don’t know how Al-Qaeda grew so big. It was supposed to be just a bunch of dudes, growing beard, fucking camels, misinterpreting the Quran, and killing innocent people for fun while shouting Jihad-Jihad. I started killing people just to make them realize how it feels when they slaughter innocent goats. You see, I’m an animal lover. That’s why I love myself.
Killing people is like playing Angry Birds. You start with killing one, and you end up when there is left none. It’s kinda addictive.
Killing people is like playing Angry Birds. You start with killing one, and you end up when there is left none. It’s kinda addictive.
I remember how I died. I was having a threesome with my maid and a baby camel when my 4th wife came down shouting that the guys from the land of Pamela Anderson have come to kill me. I immediately wore Hijab to hide my identity and continued screwing the maid whom I got imported from India on recommendation of Shiney Ahuja. So these white niggers aka US Navy Seals crashed in my room and started firing. In no time I was dead. I think they spotted me because of my beard which was dangling out from the Hijab.
Hmmmm… What can I say!!! Shit Happens!
I was happy that finally I’ll get my share of 72 virgins. I always wanted them because whenever I asked my wife for sex, she gave me tons of excuses. Sometimes she had a headache, sometimes she were on her periods, once she even told me that her vagina is sleeping and it will wake up after 2 hours. She even made me hear her vagina snore.
I used to tell her that one day I’ll die and fuck 72 virgins. On hearing this she used to get possessive and then she used to allow me to finger fuck Sheila. BTW, Sheila is the name of my camel.
I went ahead and saw a door which said ‘Virgins Villa’. Immediately my penis gave me a nod and I went inside.
Hmmmm… What can I say!!! Shit Happens!
I was happy that finally I’ll get my share of 72 virgins. I always wanted them because whenever I asked my wife for sex, she gave me tons of excuses. Sometimes she had a headache, sometimes she were on her periods, once she even told me that her vagina is sleeping and it will wake up after 2 hours. She even made me hear her vagina snore.
I used to tell her that one day I’ll die and fuck 72 virgins. On hearing this she used to get possessive and then she used to allow me to finger fuck Sheila. BTW, Sheila is the name of my camel.
"72 virgins were the reason that kept me going for so long"So after dying, I took a rickshaw to heaven. On reaching heaven I saw Saddam Hussein standing outside heaven’s door to welcome me. I immediately kissed him on the lips. As I entered heaven’s door, I saw Michael Jackson chasing Narad muni’s son while doing the moonwalk. I even saw Mahatma Gandhi in the arms of a naked body-builder.
I went ahead and saw a door which said ‘Virgins Villa’. Immediately my penis gave me a nod and I went inside.
As I entered the door I was greeted by Silk Smitha. She gave me some Shilajit tablets and Japani tel to apply. Suddenly lights went dim, soft music started playing and I got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night. But all my dreams got shattered and my penis went into hiding when those 72 virgins came and introduced themselves one after another.
My version of virgins
Virgin No. 1: Mama goreya naal paange nai layede. Oh bund par dende ne!
Virgin No. 2: Guys just need one damn thing. Don’t ya?
Virgin No. 3: Are you a Sikh?
Virgin No. 4: Thank you for calling Technical support. My name is ……
Virgin No. 5: You’ll leave me after sex na?Virgin No. 6: Hum yeh sab kuch shaadi ke baad karenge. Okay Sonu?
Virgin No. 7: Are you on Facebook?Virgin No. 8: Mera naa Amarjot Kaur hai. Mein Chamkila di Randi si. Ohne meinu aate wangu gun ta si.
Virgin No. 9: I’m Rumenea from planet Pluto. I’m the little sister of Sabu. My vagina is on my neck.Virgin No. 10: You smell like fish!
Virgin No. 11: Mere Karan Arjun aayenge. Dharti ka seena cheer kar aayenge.
Virgin No. 12: You’ve a dick but you behaved like a pussy. So if I have sex with you, will I be straight or lesbian?
Virgin No. 13: Mein sucking nahi karungi.
Virgin No. 14: Agar kagaz par mohor nahi lagegi toh kya Tara Pakistan nahi jayega Osama paaji!!!
Virgin No. 15: Ehna Wada? Sardaara da te hunda he waada hai… Oh wait! You’re not a Sikh, are you?
Virgin No. 16: 1 2 3 GO…. Let’s try again. Ready Steady GO…. This ain’t going to stand erect tonight. Right?Virgin No. 17: Oh baba!! Rabb da naa le. Eh kehre kaama ch peya hoya?
Virgin No. 18: Using a carrot doesn’t make me less of a virgin, right? or a bottle, a candle, fingers, a mobile phone……………… baseball bat……… TATA NANO!!!Virgin No. 19: So, do you remove your turban or keep it on while having sex?
Virgin No. 20: I’ve AIDS, Let’s fuck!
Virgin No. 21: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!Virgin No. 22: I can put a condom on your penis with my mouth. Amazing, Huh??
Virgin No. 23: Sucking ke extra lagenge
Virgin No. 24: Am I looking fat?
Virgin No. 25: Haha.. Virgin No. 24 is really fat. Isn’t she?
Virgin No. 26: No kissing on lips.
Virgin No. 27: Yuck!
Virgin No. 28: Abba jaan, aap?
Virgin No. 29: I’m saving myself for Jesus.
Virgin No. 30: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?Virgin No. 31: Mein pose nahi banaugi
Virgin No. 32: LMAO! You got only one testicle.
Virgin No. 33: I bet you can’t get an erection. C’mon, impress me. Show me your Qutub Minar. Show me naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!Virgin No. 34: Yes, I color my pubic hair pink. Don’t judge me you camel-wiener-sucker!
Virgin No. 35: Wow! Same to same. Even I have a penis. Let’s have a sword fight.
Virgin No. 36: You like my breasts? I got three of them. One is on my back. See!!!
Virgin No. 37: I’m just Virgin No. 37 to you, right?
Virgin No. 38: You know what? I really cried when Mihir died and left Tulsi alone.
Virgin No. 39: I can fart and sneeze at the same time. Let me show you…
Virgin No. 40: . . . so I meet Rob, and he goes, “So where have you been?” and I go, “I’ve been busy lately,” so he goes, “So what do you do” and I was like . . …………. And his dick is bigger than ……… He showed me Justin Bieber’s butt pic…… FUCK ME ROB, FUCK ME HARD…….. I hate Him, I simply hate Rob…. All guys are same…………… *snoring* Osama, you there?
Virgin No. 41: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.
Virgin No. 42: Is that a camel’s teeth marks on your penis?
Virgin No. 43: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law.Virgin No. 44: Tum bhi salwar daalte ho? Khi khi khi
Virgin No. 45: As the Joker said, “If u r good at something, never do it for free.”
Virgin No. 46: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!
Virgin No. 47: Haye, untareya ne aakh te goli maar chade. Kaana kar ta. Hun tu Maharaja Ranjit Singh lagda ae. Hayee!
Virgin No. 48: I’m Gandhi. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Now that the whole world knows I was a Gay, let’s do a sexual dandi march. Hand me your danda, and then you can finger fuck me.
Virgin No. 49: Say you love me. Say na!!Virgin No. 50: This isn’t a video game, son.
Virgin No. 51: That was terrible. I should have listened to other virgins.
Virgin No. 52: Let me call Saddam. We will have threesome.
Virgin No. 53: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!
Virgin No. 54: Fasten your turban. It's going to be a bumpy night.
Virgin No. 55: You look like my son.
Virgin No. 56: Aslam walekum. Benazir Bhutto ka Salaam kabul kijea. Actually heaven is running short of virgins, so they called me. I got my hymen rebuilt. Now my vagina is as fresh as dew.
Virgin No. 58: Why so serious?
Virgin No. 59: Lol! Even I know that’s tiny.
Virgin No. 60: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.
Virgin No. 61: Haha.. You wear Diapers. Lol… Oh wait! Is that a sanitary pad?
Virgin No. 62: Simon Go Back.
Virgin No. 63: I’m KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKiran.
Virgin No. 64: I’m a Ladyboy from Thailand. Let me bang your kok.
Virgin No. 65: Why is every guy’s testicle bag wrinkled?
Virgin No. 66: Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai.. Dekhna hai zor kitna Penis-e-Osama mein hai.Virgin No. 67: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?
Virgin No. 68: Tumhare gupt aango mein Daad, Khaj, Khujli toh nahi hoti?
Virgin No. 69: Hurry! My parents will be back soon.
Virgin No. 70: Yanna Rascala. Mind it!
Virgin No. 71: Hayeee!!! Paapi pet ke liye kya kya karna padta hai
Virgin No. 72: I’m Mother Teresa.
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| Heaven doesn't have camels. Can you believe that? But they surely have dogs *wink* |
Virgins?? My foot. Their pussies were wider than the India Gate. Some were as flat-chested as a cricket pitch. Even Asif Ali Zardari has bigger man boobs than some of those behenji’s.
After meeting the so called virgins, I felt as if I wasted my life. Sigh!
Heaven is just a misspelled HELL!!
FYI: I was even approached to be the brand ambassador of Simco hair fixer. *Honoured*
If I analyze my life, I think ki penchod mein apna fudu aap he khichwa leya.!!!
Got to go now. A new martyr has come, and these heaven guys have asked me to be the "Virgin" for him.
Tuhada Chacha,
Osama ................... and I was NOT a SIKH.
I think I
