CORRUPTION – One of the most hated word in the English language. It is a word which is heavier than the combined weight of Yokozuna and Big Show. A word, which is more popular than Justin Bieber. A word, which is sleazier than Pakistani mujra. A word, which is as corrupt as female’s heart.
Apparently, it is a word which unites India for few seconds, mainly on facebook.
The anti-corruption movement is gaining pace. Everyone is doing their bit to save India from the Jaal of corruption. Baba Ramdev wore a Salwaar Kameez, Chetan Bhagat wrote ‘Mera Neta Chor hai’ on his arm, and millions of young, educated Indians are updating about it on Facebook and Twitter. So much effort is going in the movement but, like Ballika Vadhu, yeh corruption khatam hone ka naam he nahi leti.
A Saas-Bahu serial without tears and Anil Kapoor without chest hair is still possible, but corruption free India is simply impossible.
As the world’s most pathetic and unrealistic saying goes, “Nothing is Impossible. The word ‘Impossible’ itself says I M Possible”, so I’ve come up with my own 10+1 ways to save India from the web of corruption.
If the below mentioned points doesn’t work, then even Dhoongi Baba’s cannot save us.
1. Legalize Bribery - Every government official takes bribe and every normal Indian gives bribe, yet we all deny about it. We all deny giving or taking bribe just like girls deny their non-virginity even after getting married twice and delivering five babies.
There should be a ‘Bribe-List’ displayed in all government offices which should portray the amount of illegal money one needs to pay to get the legal work done. This will bring transparency in the system. In fact, banks should provide instant loans so that rich, poor and even dogs can pay the bribe.
One bribe for all. ‘Fixed price. Fixed bribe’
There should be a ‘Bribe-List’ displayed in all government offices which should portray the amount of illegal money one needs to pay to get the legal work done. This will bring transparency in the system. In fact, banks should provide instant loans so that rich, poor and even dogs can pay the bribe.
One bribe for all. ‘Fixed price. Fixed bribe’
2. Print Dolly Bindra’s picture on the Indian Bill - Imagine a bald Dolly Bindra on a 100 rupee note. Mindfuck, isn’t it?
Corrupt male officials won’t keep that bill in their pants pocket because that way Dolly ji will be near their crotch, which should be a strict NO-NO on humanitarian grounds. Woman officials won’t prefer keeping the bribe money in their respective blouse because Dolly ji likes drinking milk. So, if they don’t have any place to keep the bribe money, why would they take it?
Corrupt male officials won’t keep that bill in their pants pocket because that way Dolly ji will be near their crotch, which should be a strict NO-NO on humanitarian grounds. Woman officials won’t prefer keeping the bribe money in their respective blouse because Dolly ji likes drinking milk. So, if they don’t have any place to keep the bribe money, why would they take it?
3. Change the meaning of the word ‘Corruption’ in every dictionary - Corruption should be redefined as something which is most Nobel thing to do in one’s life. A platform through which one can attain Moksha and meet the GOD. The only true life saviour in this Kalyug.
Once the definition is changed, everyone’s perception will get changed, everyone will pay guilt-free bribe, and India will become what Mahatma ‘Gay’ Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi aka father of hottie Priyanka Gandhi once dreamt about.
Once the definition is changed, everyone’s perception will get changed, everyone will pay guilt-free bribe, and India will become what Mahatma ‘Gay’ Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi aka father of hottie Priyanka Gandhi once dreamt about.
4. Bai Boycott – All the domestic helpers like Kaamwali Bai’s (Fuck buddies), Drivers (Memsaab ko unke lover ke pass leke jaane wala), Dhobi (Memsaab ko ‘Aap kapde nikal kar rakho, mein lene aata ho’ kehna wala) etc. should be banned from working at the houses of those found guilty of taking bribe.
Sabziwala bhaiya's should be prohibited from giving them free dhania with every Kilo of Aloo purchased.
Sabziwala bhaiya's should be prohibited from giving them free dhania with every Kilo of Aloo purchased.
5. Rakhi Sawant for PM - Make Rakhi Sawant the Prime Minister of India. Jejus, tension he khatam.
We can even curb terrorism with the help of Rakhi ji. Tell terrorists that if they stop invading India, then Ms. Fake Bobbie – Rakhi ji will send them her topless pictures. Don’t worry if some of the terrorists are pathans. Rakhi ji also has a penis, remember?
6. Make porn legal – Porn is the only medium which has crossed the language barrier. It is a medium where Blacks and Asians are in much more demand by the Honorable Mr. Penis. In order to reduce corruption in India, make porn legal in offices. Stream it online for free. Ask cable operators to show it on TV. Make a contract with Swami Nithyananda and get all his MMS clips. Due to this, every Indian will follow the principle of ‘Apna Haath Jagannath’. This way their hands will get busy, and hence they won’t be able to take bribe.
No Hands available = No Bribe taken
No Hands available = No Bribe taken
7. Patriotic films – To start with, make it a mandate for every Indian to watch Manoj Kumar’s Desh Bhakti movies. Sunny Deol’s Gadar should be for the advanced level viewing. Basically, any movie where Pakistan is getting thrashed is a patriotic film for us. The porn movie wherein an Indian is fucking a Pakistani girl also qualifies.
8. Naked Poonam Pandey – Ms. Poo should make a public announcement that if India gets back its black money from the Swiss Bank, she will strip naked. I’m sure just to see her assets; all the politicians will voluntarily declare their foreign assets.
9. Ban Saas-Bahu serials - These Saas-Bahu serials are the reason why India is in dire consequences over the past few years. By watching these serials, women become lazy, they start cribbing and whining. They shout at their husbands, do not give them food on time because they're busy watching Tulsi giving Mihir a blowjob in the serial. Next day the poor husband goes to the office frustrated . He doesn’t feel like doing any work. He becomes irritated. He shouts at everyone and refuse to sign the documents. Then another poor husband, who also goes through the same routine at his own place, feels sympathetic and offers him some money. Since money is the biggest neutralizer, so the poor soul accepts the bribe and signs the documents.
Thanks to Ekta Kapoor, this is how an honest Indian becomes a corrupt official.
Thanks to Ekta Kapoor, this is how an honest Indian becomes a corrupt official.
10. Rename the guilty - Those found guilty of taking bribe sshould be renamed to DK Bose and Jalebi Bai. Let the world insult them, musically.
…………. and the +1 way to save India from corruption is
GF SCAM - Calculate the amount of money your GF forces you to spend on her in form of dinners, gifts, movies, shopping etc. Now calculate the amount of Income Tax that you pay which ultimately goes to someone’s Swiss account. Compare the both. You’ll be surprised to find out that the amount of money the Indian government takes is nothing as compared to the physical abuse your hard-earned money faces due to your GF.
If you can afford your GF, then you can definitely afford few politicians.
Everyone in this world pays bribe. A guy gives expensive gifts to his GF so that she doesn’t do all the unwanted drama and agrees for sex easily, which she herself wants to do in the first place but instead she portrays herself as a Sati-Savitri. A devotee inserts a 100 rupee note in the Daan peti of a Mandir/Gurudwara so that God listens to his demands on priority basis. Parents bribe their children with promises that they’ll get them a new bike if they score well in exams.
So, bribing is not limited to money. It is all over the world in all shapes and forms just like Boobs.
Talking of boobs, I think boobs are the most creative, versatile, trustworthy, compatible thing ever gifted by God to the mankind.
In order to survive in this corrupt world, you should always remember the Boob’s Law of corruption.
In order to survive in this corrupt world, you should always remember the Boob’s Law of corruption.
Boob’s Law of Corruption - Corruption is like Boobs. You can increase it, you can even decrease it, but you cannot eliminate it completely.
Today, Sonia and Rahul Gandhi must be thinking, “Agar Mahatma Gandhi ji us time Bhagat Singh ko bacha lete, toh aaj India ki yeh haalat na hoti.” Alas!
Congress is the ASS and BJP is the HOLE in it, and together they make India look like an Asshole.
"Amir bhukha rehta hai toh ouska kaam ho jata hai...
Garib bhukha rehta hai kyunki uske pass koi kaam nahi hota."
GOD BLESS I N D I A
P.S. - You can personally interact with me on my Facebook Page - J.Walia's Blog
- J.Walia
3 comments:
kya baat walia ji... too creative but still a way out...
bhother very witty but it hits some seroius issues , i too think Bribe should be Legalize , Like this it will save us time to get a legal thing done !! harmohan singh
@Sandeep: Thank you brother... :)
@Anonymous: Thank you for reading it.
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