10+1 reasons why INDIA should win the ICC Cricket World Cup 2011

After 42 days, FINAL-LY, the day has come, for which Saurav Ganguly once removed his t-shirt. The day, for which Navjot Singh Sidhu bought 42 different coloured turbans. The day, for which Ravi Shastri grew pubic hair on his scalp. The day, for which Sonia Gandhi came to India and said Namaste in an Italian accent.  The day, for which stupid Christopher Columbus thought America to be India. The day, for which Neena Gupta jumped over Viv Richards’s weiner, and became a Kamzor Kadi herself. The day, for which Derek O’Brien became a quiz master so that he could ask, who won the cricket world cup in the year 2011?
The day, for which Sachin Tendulkar started playing cricket.

In India, there are more Gods and less people to follow them. Everybody is vowing to god in one way or the other, just to make sure that India wins the world cup. Some guys are vowing to god that they won’t masturbate imagining their 'Tota padosan' aunty, while some girls have exchanged India’s win for not faking an orgasm. Even Karan Johar is not drinking Koffee on Shahrukh Khan’s lap, and SRK is also not giving any Zor Ka Jhatka on KJ’s ass cheek.  Shiney Ahuja said that he won’t fuck his maid for one week, while Manu Sharma confirmed that he isn’t going to shoot anyone till the time India wins the world cup. After losing money and her last drop of semen, Preity Zinta got her fixed deposits broken, to buy a Student class ticket for the world cup finals. Even Taare Zameen Par’s female version, Nita Ambani, got more mass on her ass so that when Bhajji picks her up this time, the surdy feels the warmth of her nest, and flies like a bird.

Here are my 10+1 reasons why India should win.

1. Sri Lanka belongs to Raavan’s land. No, I’m not talking about the movie which had papa ka beta, Abhishek. I’m talking about the guy who had not one, not two, but holy freaking 10 heads. Had he been alive today, he would have been taking 10 calls at a time in a call-center. Sri Lanka already have Raavan ki Sone ki Lanka, why do they need a stupid cup? They just need to find that palace of gold, and they'll become very rich. They can also take help of India's premier news channel, INDIA TV, which can apparently find things which never existed.

2. It’s just a world cup trophy and not a Shivling where one can rub the pussy and get a child. What will Sri Lanka do if they win the world cup trophy? They will keep the trophy in their cricket board’s office. That’s it? What’s the use? Let India win the world cup, and see what all miracles happen. On all Hindu festivals, the trophy will drink milk. On Gurupurab, the world cup trophy will grow beard and on Eid, we’ll cut the fucking head of the trophy in the name of Allah.

3.  Srilankan player’s names are very BIG. Mahela Jayawardene’s full name is Denagamage Proboth Mahela de Silva Jayawardene. It is bigger than full grown beard of a Sikh gentleman. ICC’s official website crashed twice while updating names of the Srilankan players. Let me give a short, sweet and appropriate name to the Srilankan team, “LOSER”

4. Srilankan player’s faces are not photogenic. In today’s world, where boob is of greater importance than brain, where pussy holds more substance than trust, good looking face is very important. More important than girl’s urge to ditch a guy. Look at Muralitharan. Doesn’t he look like a guy who sells tomato soup on the streets?
When Srilankan players wash their faces, the water gets “Saaza-E-Kaala paani”

5. Mendis, Murali, and Malinga are not humans. They’re Industrial made products. Have you seen how they twist, turn, curl their arms while bowling? I think the Srilankan government collected semen from thousands of used condoms, stored it in a big test tube, heated it on jism ki garmi of Savita Bhabhi, shoved it in a Chudail’s vagina, and after few years, these three were born. Even Khali, whose walking style resembles the movement of Chinese robot, said, “Jai Maa Kaali, yeh saale insaan lagte he nahi.”

6. India needs to win for the sake of Sharad Pawar’s face. His face looks like tummy of a 95 years old granny.  He wants to speak out his thoughts, but the poor words get struck between his teeth’s and lips. Now if India loses, Sharad Pawar will feel sad and imagine his sad face. If anyone sees his sad face, s/he will die of Haiza.

7. By reading the names of the Srilankan players, one cannot figure it out whether the player is a female, male or the cow whose fodder Lalu ate. Look at Mahela Jayawardene. He is the only Mahela in the world who is a male. Probably, the second. India has  Nari Contractor. Wow what a decent, family oriented name to keep. Where was he born? On GB road?
In India, we write Kumar after the name and this brave son of Raavan’s land, Kumar Sangakkara, writes it in front. He was already battling with his own Identity crisis and whatever he was left with, will be lost in the world cup final.

8. A SMS joke has been taking rounds in all cellphones within last few days.

Virende'R'a
          S'A'chin
   Yuvra'J'
     Gaut'A'm
   Patha'N'
    Dhon'I'
    Virat 'K'ohli
  Harbh'A'jan
 Z. Kha'N'
   M Pa'T'el
      As'H'win
 

Jis team me ho Rajanikanth..! wo kabhi haaregi kya?
Yennaa Raaskalla !
Mind It!

9. As per the latest reports, Mohandas Karanchand Gandhi was GAY.    WoW!!!!!

The father of the nation was gay, yet India’s population is over 1.2 billion. Don’t we deserve the world cup without even playing the finals?
There is another reason why Gandhi was called father of the nation. Due to him, aaj puure India ki maa chudi hui hai.


10. Personally, the only reason why India should win the ICC world cup 2011 is POONAM PANDEY. *Blush*
She has promised that if India wins, she’ll go all naked. Haye Allah, mujhe sharam aa rahi hai.

+1 reason why India deserves to win is:

                                                               

                                                                                                                           - J.Walia