+1 more year

Another B'day, another Greet
Friend's uncanny smile with words of 'Treat'
Some wished me because others did the same
Some wanna play "You didn't wish me on my B'day" Game.

Some say I should fly, some don't see a reason why
Some always pull me down; some help me reach the sky.
Well, this is called Life and this is how it works
Some say it's a blessing, some say it's a curse.


Another B'day and today I miss my Dad more
All memories flashed back, of the day, he entered Heaven's door.
I was controlling the ventilator and mom was rubbing his feet
His body turned cold when his heart, permanently, skipped the beat.

He wanted his son to save him but I was helpless,
His body was motionless but I know he was restless.
He kept smiling at me and left all of us in tears
He was a true gentleman who lived his Life without fears.


Another B'day and, I realize, I still love my Ex-Girl
She was my life, yes, she was my priceless Pearl.
I still remember the day when she first kissed me through the phone
That was the day I realized, she was one of my own.

My Life's TRP has decreased drastically,
Her betrayal graph zoomed up fantastically.
I cried and realized I was going nowhere,
She smiled b'coz she knew she was going somewhere.


Another B'day, another Regret
I still remember the things which I want to forget.
Many mistakes made, yes, it was my bad,
I wanna go back in time and save my Dad.

Of all the things I have lost, HOPE was the most important
When my future becomes my present, it's mostly rotten.
My life is like a Rubik cube - Too much colour too much square
It's filled with unwanted guilt, too much worry, too much fear.


Another B'day and I carry the burden of growing old
There are piles of stories still untold.

Another B'day and there is nothing new in it
I don't feel like celebrating b'coz Papa, there is no 'YOU' in it.

Another B'day and I am still expecting her call
I hope she is happy, I pray she never falls.

Another B'day, +1 more year
I lost my near, strangers became my dear.


Life will keep on moving, no matter how many Hiccups
You may encounter speed-brakers but there are much more Pick-up's
Don't lose heart, don't lose focus, and don’t lose your dream
God always test you before giving - It's his pet scheme.




                                                                        - J.Walia

Isn't it?

Isn't it ..... AMAZING ..... how we can stand tall and walk our way?
We all look different inspite of originating from same God's clay.
The world has changed and everyone play their own mean game
No matter what you say, they always have someone to blame.

Isn't it ..... CLICHE ..... that all of us wants to succeed?
No matter how much we possess, we still have that unwanted greed.
Everyone wants money, even Bill Gates wants to be more rich
This world is losing humanity and no one got an itch.

Isn't it ..... FUNNY ..... that we visit God whenever we need him?
We need something 10 folds that's why we feed him.
God has learnt from his mistakes and turned super smart
You can't bribe him now b'coz he has learnt "The Human Art".

Isn't it ..... BAD ..... that we all have started disliking each other?
All animals stay together but a brother is killing another brother.
Some say I want a Hindu, Muslim, Christian some say I need a Sikh
Then where does your religion goes when you meet someone rich?

Isn't it ..... NECESSARY ..... to be calm, composed and polite?
Why everyone is so aggressive and need a reason to fight?
I said ' Thank you' to my friend and he said its sarcastic
'Well, I am sorry' ..... and he said that's fantastic.

Isn't it ..... BEAUTIFUL ..... how the sky meets the earth?
God has been the soul companion of humans since their birth.
'Earth' is a great painting on the canvas of 'Milky way'
And the Karma of life cycle is here to stay.


We need more of Mother Teresa and lots of Bhagat Singh
We have got the throne, we just need a responsible King
If you are not going anywhere, then any road will take you there
God, we humans have destroyed this wonderful palace, please take it from here.


Isn't it?



                                                                                       - J.Walia

Sometimes....

Sometimes I feel like touching the sky
All I do is let go off my Ego

Sometimes I feel like reading something
All I do is try to read myself

Sometimes I feel the need to be successful
All I do is stop thinking about my failures

Sometimes I feel like being myself
All I do is stop worrying about the world

Sometimes I feel like spilling out the anger
All I do is pen something down

Sometimes I feel like knowing more about myself
All I do is stop listening to others

Sometimes I feel like a loser
All I do is look at those who never tried

Sometimes I feel like seeing my achievements
All I do is look in the mirror and smile

Sometimes I feel like seeing an innocent soul
All I do is see a dog and its commitment towards mankind

Sometimes I feel like smiling
All I do is seek blessings from elders

Sometimes I feel like killing myself
All I do is remember my mother's eyes and live for the next day

Sometimes I feel like pausing the time
All I do is close my eyes and remember the Almighty

Sometimes I feel like conquering the world
All I do is remember Alexander-The Great, whose hands were empty when he died

Sometimes I feel like listening more
All I do is start speaking less

Sometimes I feel like flying like a bird
All I do is stop worrying about my downfall

Sometimes I feel like wearing something dark
All I do is wear my past

Sometimes I feel like saving this world
All I do is improve myself

Sometimes I feel like chasing my dreams
All is I is start working towards them

Sometimes I feel like hitting someone
All I do is hit my head with positive thoughts

Sometimes I feel like keeping quiet
All I do is start observing everyone around

But, whenever I feel like being Happy
All I do is be with my friends


My 'Sometimes' have started coming very often
When my future becomes my present, it's mostly rotten
I am hoping that everything will be okay one day
I don't know till what time, my 'Sometimes' are here to stay.

I am occupied with my dreams, and my hard work is taking its toll
I’m sure I’ll rise above the sky once I am over my downfall.
I got my hands, mind and my soul to achieve everything
Now I know, it was evil inside me, who was afraid of something.



                                                                                   -J.Walia

Bihari Jatt

NOTE: In this post a Bihari Bhaiya ji is telling about Punjab, Punjabi's, Kaneda and much more. Please read this in a Bihari-Punjabi touch to enjoy the real warmth of this post.


Punjabio ki zameen humne daab-li
Aapni logai ke saath jab woh Kaneda bhaag-li
Punjabi kehta, mere peecho karna meri zameen ki rakhi
Meine socha, kuch bhi nahi rahega tere naam par baaki

Sari umar assi Bihario ne kari Punjabio ki sewa
Bhenchod hamari mehnat par khaande rahe mewa
Hun time aaya hai jab Bihario ki hogi Sardari
Hamar aurat ka naam hoga 'Ravneet Kaur' na ki Ram Kumari

Pehle chalate the tractor, hun tractor v hai aapna
Jhuggi mein rehte the, ab vaade ghar ka pura hoya sapna
Punjabio ko toh ladai, nashe aur Kaneda ne he maar diya
Bihari ne fayda outhaya aur Punjab mein raaj kiya

Hun aasa v aapne lounde ko punjabi rapper banaege
'Bhaang, Sharaab' ouske gaane mein dalvaenge
Punjabio se li humne seekh -> Na nashe, na lounde ke kesh katwange
Ab doobte Punjab ko hum Bihari choore he bachenge

Punjabi hum Bhaiyio ko toh aase dekhe jive aasi Insaan nahi?
Kuch tah Insaaniat di kadar karo, kya upar Bhagwaan nahi?
Hum bhaiyio di wajah se Punjab mein kheti barkaraar hai
Bihari baad mein, ab toh aasi pehle sardar hai

Bihari teh ab Punjab wich sarpaanch ban rahe hai
Punjabi toh Kaneda mein Dant-Manjan bech rahe hai
Bihari kare aish, saath mein kamave full cash
Punjabi Kaneda jake bhare gaadiyaan wich gas

Punjabi ho gaye hadd haram, nahi hunda eha se kaam
Tusi karo aaram, bihari dekh len gaye sab taam jhaam
Hun Punjab aasa nu lage aapna, aur panj dareya v sade ne
Hum Punjab di seva karunga, yeh humare tuhanu vaade ne

Ludhaina ban gaya Mecca, Madina bana Chandigarh
Hun tuhanu Bhaiya milega ghar-ghar
Hum hai mehnati, aasi laachar nahi
Sanu India pyaara, hum Kaneda jane ko tyaar nahi.

Waheguru ji ki kirpa se hum Bihari ban raha hai Gursikh sardar
Sardar kataan baal, Bihari dale gaatare naal talwar
Punjab humko pyaara, hun assi ban gaye paake Punjabi
Punjabi lagan 'Bhaiye', Bihari ban gaye theeth Navabi.

Aa jao punjabio aapne desh mein wapas aa jao
Guru ka maan karo hor apne bhesh wich wapas aa jao
Bharat Maa di sewa karo te Kaneda maasi ka bhi karo maan
Punjab aa jao wapas, Punjab hai puure India di shaan.
 
 
 
                                                            - J.Walia

:-) -------> Khi Khi

We live in a world where every Tom, Dick (Bad girls don’t get excited. It’s just a pussy name of a fucked up guy) and Harry knows about ‘XXX’ but the best minds are still finding ‘X’. We live in a world where a full length pant became a Capri, a Capri became a half pant, a half pant became an underwear and a good old underwear which was capable to hide all the 'Riya Sen’s MMS kaand' type stuff became a G-string... and, I personally feel that G-string is God’s compensation to guys for not giving us boobs, and hence a tool to get easy job promotions. We live in a world where abbreviations, initialism and acronym have hit the English Language as hard as the iceberg hit the Titanic. Thanks to the iceberg, the end result was an eye-pleasing, semi-naked Kate Winslet. We live in a world where everyone’s common address is Facebook and Twitter.
In today’s world we speak more and listen less. In my case, write more and read less (I've read just one book in my 25 years of unemployed life). Due to this we think that whatever our Sunny Leone dominated mind can blowjob out is boobest. Thanks to global warming and human mentality, the ozone layer has shrunk and so have our temper, patience, and tolerance and understanding level.

Don’t you feel irritated, suffocated and horny (I sometimes do) when someone doesn’t get your viewpoint correctly? For example:

• You send a friend request to a girl and she thinks that you’re stalking her.

• You ask for condoms and the chemist shop guy stares at you as if you’re going to boom-bang-boomerang his girl.

• You’re watching porn and all your friends think that your girl-friend has a ‘Sab-kuch-karenge-par-shaadi-ke-baad’ syndrome? Okay, this one is kind of true and close to my penis heart.

My point is, in this Internet savvy world where we all play ‘A/S/L – A/S/L’ game, sometimes it’s impossible to get the real warmth of what the other person is saying. What we read is all black and white. Hence, we are unable to catch the real facial expression of the other person and due to this, we really can’t make out if what we are reading is meant to be serious, sarcastic or we have to go horny after reading it.

The year was 1982, and Scott Fahlman had grown tired of geeky scientists who never got his joke. He wanted something so accurate and perfect like Mimoh Chakraborty, which when conveyed, expresses the exact feeling of the sender. Hence two text smiley’s, :-) to indicate a joke and :-( to mark things that are not a joke were created.

According to me, Yahoo chat took these smileys to a completely new level. I still remember when I use to play ‘“a/s/l - a/s/l” game on Yahoo chat with desperate, homeless or mentally unstable girls preferably from drought hit or flood affected region. My sole aim was to convince the girl to power on her webcam and let me see her (obviously naked). Then I use to make her horny by switching on my webcam. Majority of the girls died after seeing me, but few survived the glare of my beard only because they were blind. All the girls were later nominated for Red and White bravery award. If any girl asked me, ‘What’s Up?’        I use to reply,  ‘My D _I_ C K        :)’. If she were a disciple of Zeenat Aman then we use to have a good time, else the smiley : ) use to play as a great neutraliser.

As the time progressed, many hand exercisers AKA masturbators came up with their own virgin version of text-laughter.  So ‘Internet Laughing’ became popular and got innovated by every sanitary pad sold.


Most common Internet laughter’s are:

LOL: Gone are the days when lol meant lots of love. Nowadays,  everyone write 'lol' after their every statement. Few days back one of my guy friends wrote, ‘Hey guys, today I sat and peed .... lol’
LOL (Laugh Out Loud) seriously means I have nothing else to say.

Lolzzzzzz: What does the string of zzzzzzz at the end of 'lol' means? ... Lolzzzzzzz ....<< Does it mean that I am so funny that I make you go to sleep?

Huhuhahaha: Raavan inspired laughter. Someone once told me that Raavan use to get turned on when he heard his own laughter. Now this is a fine example of ‘Resource Management’.

Bwaahaha: Pirated Haasi of Ramleela wala Raavan.

ROFL: Rolling On Floor Laughing. Seriously tell me, how many times have you actually rolled on floor while laughing?
Indian version  -->  HHKLP: Hass Hass ke Lot Pot

BTW, ROFL can come handy when your maid doesn’t show up for work. You can simply roll on the floor and clean your room. Once Shiney Ahuja was alone at his place and he decided to clean his room by rolling on the floor. Suddenly his maid came holding a Micromax mobile phone, he then removed his Rupa ki Baniyan and after 1 minute, 29 seconds ---> JAIL

LMAO: Laughing My Ass Out. Seriously DUDE!!!!! It’s an ass and not a detachable boob that can be plugged out.

I have said, read, wrote and even laughed all kinds of Internet Laughs like lol, ROFL, LMAO, HaHa, Hehe, Bwahaha, but this new breed of 'Khi Khi' laugh is still indigestible. Is it the same laughter which girls laugh while blushing and covering their mouth?
I’ve seen guys writing Khi Khi at the end of ‘Kangna-Ranaut-English-Speaking-Skills’ type Facebook update. Shilajit consumers, please don’t do Khi Khi for my right nipple’s sake. It’s like you were about to type HaHa when suddenly lightening struck, volcano erupted and you finger tips turned into boobies and you typed Khi Khi.

If you write Khi Khi then I won’t shake hands with you the next time we meet. I know you masturbate seeing your own dick.

I actually met a person who instead of laughing, opened his mouth and literally uttered ‘Ha Ha’
Haha? Seriously? I hope next time he says ROFLPMP and I want a demonstration too.


My version of Internet Laughter:

IFYSNLB - (I Fuck Yo Sista Now Laugh Bitch)     If someone is annoying you with his/her constant LoL and Haha, then “IFYSNLB” will make that person apply some Itchguard on his balls.

NFSLOL - (Not Funny Still LOL)     This is for friendship’s sake. It’s like give and take. You LOLed on my update, I LOLed on your’s. Now return my testis.

KLKH - (Khacha La Ke Hasna)     This can be used in a situation where you laughed so much that you wish to share the joke with everyone. If someone doesn't laugh at the joke, then they will definitely laugh at the package inside your Nade wala Khacha.

BC-MC: Punjabi’s use BC-MC as helping verbs to complete their sentences... Infact, in Punjab, if you don’t abuse your friends with BC-MC, then you’re not considered as a true friend and they won’t call you in their weekly fights. The trick is to use BC-MC as fillers and just add Haha, Hehe to it.
A fine example of BC-MC laugh. "Oye!!! Kutti de putara.. lol... BC, bara mast banda hai tu... HaHa... Teri maa di F#$@ ... Khi Khi.... Veere, tere vaaste MC zindagi hazir hai. Bruuuuuaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!"

PTHMMH - (Pattah Te Haath Maar-Maar Hasna)     You can use this when the joke is bery bery phunny or when you wish to feel your genitals.

MSJMS - (Maar Suteya Ji Maar Suteya)     Use this when the statement is so funny that your semen starts coming out from your eyes.

ACBLKJ - (Apna Chooda Bahar Le Kar Jao)     This is a direct hindi translation of GTFO - Get the fuck out. When you are pissed off and you want to politely ask someone to leave, you this abbreviation with a smile on your face. FYI, its the tone and not the words that matter.

ZKKBK - (Zip Khol Kar Band Karna)     This abbreviation can be used when you want to tease someone. Just make sure your junk doesn't get stuck in the zip.

AHJ - (Apna Haath Jagarnath)     Self-dependent laugh. India laughed this laugh on 15th August, 1947 and till today, Pakistan is unable to do AHJ.

TMMH - (Tapusia Maar Maar Hasna)     Moooooonkey laugh. I'm sure our ancestors will be proud of us after we do TMMH. Thank you my dear Chimpanzee's for AIDS, TMMH is the least a human can do in return.

IHKTD - (Itna Haasi Ki Tiddy Dukhdi)     This is for delicate girls with fragile boobs.

IHKPAG - (Inna Haseya Ke Pesaab Aa Gaya)     Strictly for diabetic people.

HHGG - (Hasde Hasde Gaand Girgi)     This is the ULTIMATE laughter. This is the Mecca of all Internet Laughters. If someone writes HHGG, it means that there is no joke funnier than the joke which you just said. It's the biggest reward society can give to anyone. See, an ass already has a crack in it but if you make it fall, then you're the man who come in my girl-friend's dream.

DUH!!! - It should be made the brand ambassador of Internet laughter. Everyone tries to be funny on Social networking websites but in real world people do laugh but........ ON THEM.


As Mr. Amitabh Bachchan said, 'Koi bhi sawaal chota nahi hota'   so let's prepare few questions for KBC

How does an owner of ENFILED BULLET laugh?
Duug Duug Duug

How does an owner of TATA cars laugh?
Dude, they don’t laugh. They cry. Weeeeiiiii weeeeeiiii ... << Battery down.

So, as stated above, you don’t need a reason to laugh. Laugh and make others laugh. You never know you may give a smile on the face of a frowning guy. If he still doesn’t laugh, force him to see his own penis, I’m sure he’ll die laughing.

Your Life is a good joke if you yourself laugh at it ... Your Life is a bad joke if others laugh at it ... Your Life is a PJ if no one laughs at it.



P.S. - PC used to be PenChod until some real penchod made it Personal computer.




                                                                                                                     - J.Walia