An Open Letter to Poonam Pandey

Dear Poo,

I must tell you, your name sounds like a fart, but aapke husan ki kya baat kya BAAT KYA BAAT

POONAM PANDEY - The first time I heard you name, I thought you to be an old lady with a wrinkled forehead and with breasts growing downwards. But then I googled you and, I must admit, I was left star-struck. Immediately, Bryan Adams’s “I wanna be - your underwear” ringed my brain cells. I just hope you don’t wear a Nade wala Kaccha like me. I searched ‘Poonam Pandey hot pics’, and a feeling of accomplishment came in my dick heart. I felt good. I felt the same way Anna Hazare’s eyes and stomach felt after seeing food. I felt the same way a Pendu feels after cumming coming to Chandigarh or the same way Rakhi Sawant felt after getting her penis removed. I felt COMPLETE.

Since the day you announced that you’ll strip naked if Indian team wins the Cricket World Cup, I stopped watching porn. I even deleted, freshly downloaded, “Virgin Punjaban” porn movie. You have no idea how difficult it is to get a porn movie with a virgin girl making her debut. There is a possibility that Pakistan may stop producing terrorists, but getting a virgin girl’s seal breaking video is as impossible as getting quota system being removed from India.

I’m sure by now you must have been ‘Tested OK’ by Vijay Mallya and the quality check must have been done by his son, Siddharth Mallya. If those guys passed you, I’m sure Indian audience will lust love you. Allow my penis to be a Kingfisher bottle and let your vagina be the bottle opener, and I’m sure we both will be the King of good times. By now, many Indians would have selected your bikini clad picture as their computer’s background, and some of them would’ve even licked it.

PETA president asked you to strip for animals. There is no need to strip for God-made dogs when you can strip for Man-made dogs aka Humans. There is no harm in removing clothes for the country. Even Mahatma Gandhi did that. Though he removed his clothes mainly to insert his Khadi pole in the Charkha hole of his niece, other females he used to sleep naked with, and that male German bodybuilder. Everyone is born naked, so removing clothes is like going back to basics, being at ground zero, back to square one. Whosoever says that it will be against Indian tradition if you shed your clothes, is talking like that Vegetarian guy who first delivers a lecture that we shouldn’t eat meat, we shouldn’t eat non-veg, and then goes back to his place, strips his wife naked, eats her lips, her br****, her p**$y, and then does all that non-veg stuff with her.     Huh!!! Bloody Hypocrites.
I’m sure you won’t disappoint me and aap apne kapde utarogi jhatpat phataphat.

"I’m taking for granted that your face is also pretty."

If you strip naked, you’ll become Silk Smitha of modern India. You will become a real-life example of Savita Bhabhi. You’ll replace all naked structures in Ajanta-Ellora caves. Your Shakti Kapoor kind of act can be used to lure Atal Bihari Vajpayee to marry, L.K. Advani to stop dreaming about becoming the Prime Minister, and it can even force Moraji Desai to be re-born, drink his own urine, and die again. You’ll become goddess of every Indian virgin and help them paint their walls white.

Here’s a small poem I’ve written in your honour


You be my maid, I’ll be your Shiney
You be my Bullet, I’ll be your Kiney
You be my Monica, I’ll be your Clinton
Please strip naked and let me have some fun

I’ll be your Raja, You be my 2G spectrum
Please wear minimum, so that I can see the Maximum
I’ll be your Ramdev, you be my Yoga
Fikar na kar, jo hona hai woh hoga

You be my Amarjot, I’ll be your Chamkila
You be my Billi, I’ll be your Billa
You be my condom, I’ll be your iPill
Tere husan ne mera hai churaya Dil

I’ll be your Farmville, you be my angry bird
I’ll be your Allo Parantha, you be my plain curd
I’ll be your India, you be my corruption
I’ll be your G-spot, you be my eruption

Yo! Be my Bitch, I’ll be Yo! Daddy
When it starts to leak blood, Yo! Wear the paddy
Remove the fucking clothes, when Yo! Ready
You’re a playgirl, Yo! Every virgin’s teddy.

I’ll be your Laalu, You be my Chara
Kapde outar de, keh raha Walia bechara
Beta Poo, yeh mauka phir na aayega dobara
“Vaada pura karo” hai har Bharatiye ka naara

Aap ne cricket ke mauke par, naked hone ka aisa chauka mara ki pura India is chance ko dekhne ke liye dance karne lag gaya. I must say, what an idea Madamji….. What an Idea!
If you somehow keep up to your promise, then my grand salute to you, else I’m sure few Indian will assemble at Jantar Mantar and observe No-masturbation-till-Poonam-Pandey-gets-naked celibacy.

In the end I just wanna say that you made the World Cup more interesting.

Poo, it’s an honour to say, “You make my pants go TIGHT!!!”          Ouch!!  Zip tutt gayi


Yours seductively

J.Walia

10+1 reasons why INDIA should win the ICC Cricket World Cup 2011

After 42 days, FINAL-LY, the day has come, for which Saurav Ganguly once removed his t-shirt. The day, for which Navjot Singh Sidhu bought 42 different coloured turbans. The day, for which Ravi Shastri grew pubic hair on his scalp. The day, for which Sonia Gandhi came to India and said Namaste in an Italian accent.  The day, for which stupid Christopher Columbus thought America to be India. The day, for which Neena Gupta jumped over Viv Richards’s weiner, and became a Kamzor Kadi herself. The day, for which Derek O’Brien became a quiz master so that he could ask, who won the cricket world cup in the year 2011?
The day, for which Sachin Tendulkar started playing cricket.

In India, there are more Gods and less people to follow them. Everybody is vowing to god in one way or the other, just to make sure that India wins the world cup. Some guys are vowing to god that they won’t masturbate imagining their 'Tota padosan' aunty, while some girls have exchanged India’s win for not faking an orgasm. Even Karan Johar is not drinking Koffee on Shahrukh Khan’s lap, and SRK is also not giving any Zor Ka Jhatka on KJ’s ass cheek.  Shiney Ahuja said that he won’t fuck his maid for one week, while Manu Sharma confirmed that he isn’t going to shoot anyone till the time India wins the world cup. After losing money and her last drop of semen, Preity Zinta got her fixed deposits broken, to buy a Student class ticket for the world cup finals. Even Taare Zameen Par’s female version, Nita Ambani, got more mass on her ass so that when Bhajji picks her up this time, the surdy feels the warmth of her nest, and flies like a bird.

Here are my 10+1 reasons why India should win.

1. Sri Lanka belongs to Raavan’s land. No, I’m not talking about the movie which had papa ka beta, Abhishek. I’m talking about the guy who had not one, not two, but holy freaking 10 heads. Had he been alive today, he would have been taking 10 calls at a time in a call-center. Sri Lanka already have Raavan ki Sone ki Lanka, why do they need a stupid cup? They just need to find that palace of gold, and they'll become very rich. They can also take help of India's premier news channel, INDIA TV, which can apparently find things which never existed.

2. It’s just a world cup trophy and not a Shivling where one can rub the pussy and get a child. What will Sri Lanka do if they win the world cup trophy? They will keep the trophy in their cricket board’s office. That’s it? What’s the use? Let India win the world cup, and see what all miracles happen. On all Hindu festivals, the trophy will drink milk. On Gurupurab, the world cup trophy will grow beard and on Eid, we’ll cut the fucking head of the trophy in the name of Allah.

3.  Srilankan player’s names are very BIG. Mahela Jayawardene’s full name is Denagamage Proboth Mahela de Silva Jayawardene. It is bigger than full grown beard of a Sikh gentleman. ICC’s official website crashed twice while updating names of the Srilankan players. Let me give a short, sweet and appropriate name to the Srilankan team, “LOSER”

4. Srilankan player’s faces are not photogenic. In today’s world, where boob is of greater importance than brain, where pussy holds more substance than trust, good looking face is very important. More important than girl’s urge to ditch a guy. Look at Muralitharan. Doesn’t he look like a guy who sells tomato soup on the streets?
When Srilankan players wash their faces, the water gets “Saaza-E-Kaala paani”

5. Mendis, Murali, and Malinga are not humans. They’re Industrial made products. Have you seen how they twist, turn, curl their arms while bowling? I think the Srilankan government collected semen from thousands of used condoms, stored it in a big test tube, heated it on jism ki garmi of Savita Bhabhi, shoved it in a Chudail’s vagina, and after few years, these three were born. Even Khali, whose walking style resembles the movement of Chinese robot, said, “Jai Maa Kaali, yeh saale insaan lagte he nahi.”

6. India needs to win for the sake of Sharad Pawar’s face. His face looks like tummy of a 95 years old granny.  He wants to speak out his thoughts, but the poor words get struck between his teeth’s and lips. Now if India loses, Sharad Pawar will feel sad and imagine his sad face. If anyone sees his sad face, s/he will die of Haiza.

7. By reading the names of the Srilankan players, one cannot figure it out whether the player is a female, male or the cow whose fodder Lalu ate. Look at Mahela Jayawardene. He is the only Mahela in the world who is a male. Probably, the second. India has  Nari Contractor. Wow what a decent, family oriented name to keep. Where was he born? On GB road?
In India, we write Kumar after the name and this brave son of Raavan’s land, Kumar Sangakkara, writes it in front. He was already battling with his own Identity crisis and whatever he was left with, will be lost in the world cup final.

8. A SMS joke has been taking rounds in all cellphones within last few days.

Virende'R'a
          S'A'chin
   Yuvra'J'
     Gaut'A'm
   Patha'N'
    Dhon'I'
    Virat 'K'ohli
  Harbh'A'jan
 Z. Kha'N'
   M Pa'T'el
      As'H'win
 

Jis team me ho Rajanikanth..! wo kabhi haaregi kya?
Yennaa Raaskalla !
Mind It!

9. As per the latest reports, Mohandas Karanchand Gandhi was GAY.    WoW!!!!!

The father of the nation was gay, yet India’s population is over 1.2 billion. Don’t we deserve the world cup without even playing the finals?
There is another reason why Gandhi was called father of the nation. Due to him, aaj puure India ki maa chudi hui hai.


10. Personally, the only reason why India should win the ICC world cup 2011 is POONAM PANDEY. *Blush*
She has promised that if India wins, she’ll go all naked. Haye Allah, mujhe sharam aa rahi hai.

+1 reason why India deserves to win is:

                                                               

                                                                                                                           - J.Walia

10+1 reasons why INDIA should win against Pakistan

As we speak, thousands of young Indians are calling their managers and convincing them that they have suddenly fallen ill. Some are blaming the office cafeteria’s food, while others are saying that their girl-friend forced them to say I Love You. Hence, onki tabiyat kharab ho gayi hai.

The most wanted, trusted, and respected person is the one who has the India-Pakistan semi-final match’s ticket. Guys are masturbating seeing the image of the ticket online, while girls are wetting their panties with the mere mention of the word ‘Mohali’. Some are offering their kidneys for a match ticket, while few girls are trying to seduce Punjab Police constables by wearing a deep neck suit without a bra, but no luck. NO ONE HAS THE TICKET. Ind vs Pak cricket match's tickets are so much in demand, that even if one sells Rakhi Sawant and Bobby Darling, then also s/he needs to add few thousand to get a ticket legally priced at ` 250. Even Sukhbir Badal sold his ticket for ` 5,000.

Indian PM, Pakistan’s PM and tons of Bollywood celebrities are coming to Mohali to witness the match of the century. A match, which is bigger than Pamela Anderson's silicone filled breasts. A match, which will be louder than Dolly Bindra’s fart. A match, which will witness thousands of tehnco savvy Indians searching, "Fatima Bhutto hot pics" and saying, "Saali iski mil jaye, chahe India haar jaye".
Bollywood babes have already bought hundreds of sanitary pads. They know that on 30^th March, many will pee blood. The stadium will be full of Bollywood Boobs and Political Penises. Whole world is dying to know that on 30^th March, kiski KLPD hoti hai.

Both India and Pakistan desperately wants to win, but are trying to sound cool by saying that it’s just a game and result doesn’t matter till the time they play well. Hmmmmm...... Isn’t it similar to what girls say about sex? Girls always say that they don’t need sex. All they need is penis true love, more penis commitment, and bigger penis trust in a relationship. Girls always want to have sex but in the end, blame it on guys for doing it with them. Yaar, koi jabardasti karta hai kya?
Anyways, cumming coming back to the topic, I think India will win the semi-final match against Pakistan.

Here are my 10+1 reasons why India should win.

1.     Have you seen Shahid Afridi’s pose of standing still with both his arms up in the air, making a victory-sign after he gets a wicket? Well, I think Shahrukh Khan’s pose of raising his arms in the air, which he does atleast 15 times in his every movie, is much better. Both are pathans which means, by default, both are gays. So if I have to choose a gay, it will be an Indian gay. Hence, India should win against Pakistan.

2.     Pakistan already took Sania Mirza from us. Due to this, more than 1000 guys were left virgin in Hyderabad. Those poor guys still masturbate watching WWE’s Bikini matches. So, if India wins against Pakistan, the victory will be dedicated to  all the virgins of Hyderabad who still believe in the phrase, “Apna haath Jagannath”

3.     As Vivek Shauq said in the movie Gadar – “Baap, Baap hota hai. Aur beta, beta hota hai. Beta, Baap main se aata hai. Pakistan. Hindustan main se aaya hai’’
Being Pakistan’s father, it’s our janam sidh adhikar to win the match. Baap of cricket, Sachin Tendulkar, is also an Indian. "Jab Sachin ka dhai kilo ka bat ball pa padta hai toh ball udti nahi... Ud jati hai". Indian team without Sachin Tendulkar is like a boob without nipple, and with Ashish Nehra, it is like hair on the nipple. We have chucked out Nehra, hence we now have a very symmetrical boob team now.

4.     For Indians, Bhenchod is a gaali, but for Pakistanis, it’s a vardaan. Pakistan cricket team should lose so that Pakistan ki awaam calls them bhenchod, and I’m sure they’ll feel good.

5.     India ki Shiela bhi jawaan ho gayi hai aur India ki Munni bhi badnaam ho gayi hai. Kuch nahi hua hai toh Sachin Tendulkar ka World Cup uthane ka sapna. It’s high time we give our dadu, Shri Kapil Dev, some rest, and let someone else pick the world cup.

6.     If India wins, both Jacky Bhagnani and Mimoh Chakraborty will be happy, and they might forget to ask their respective dads to finance their next movie. Since, bollywood movies are in great demand in Pakistan, just like Veena Malik’s nude pics in India, so both the nations will survive the top notch acting skills of these world’s best actors. It’s a win-win situation for both the nations. Therefore, Pakistan should lose.

7.     From 1411, India’s tiger count has increased to 1706. Even tigers are fucking each other. It’s time we fuck Pakistan, make them bleed blue, and then do their nasbandi.
Give me some sunshine, give me some rain... Dear India, fuck Pakistan so hard that they can once again feel 1947, 1965, 1971, Kargil and Kashmir's PAIN.

8.     ACP Pradyuman is an ACP from last 12 years. If India wins against Pakistan, ACP Pradyuman might get promoted, and then he will no more ask Inspector Daya to break the doors. Dear India, apne ghar ke darwaje bachane ke liye, please win.

9.     If Pakistan loses, Shahid Afridi will be renamed as ‘Shaheed’ Afridi. In a country, which has only produced terrorists till date, this is a golden opportunity for them to finally get a Shaheed.
Just to set the record straight, India will win tomorrow and gift a Shaheed to its son, Pakistan.

10.  I’ve written so many one-liners in favour of India’s victory against Pakistan. For eg.
      Jab tak Suraj Chaand rahega, Pakistan hamari RAAND rahega!!
      1947 mein nikaal di thi Pakistan ki masti, tab se bani betha hai woh India ki Ghasti.
If India loses, my creations will go waste. Dear India, please win for the sake of my status updates and tweets.



+ 1. The only reason why Pakistan DESERVES to lose is this video:

       

Personally, I've a very good, cheap and effective way to seduce Pakistan to defeat. Tell Pakistan that if they win, they'll get close to the World Cup, but if they lose, India will gift them an Adult Camel.

A CAMEL!!!!

I'm sure Pakistanis will prefer to lose.

                                                                                                                                             - J.Walia

Not Prei(e)ty anymore

Someone once told me that Preity Zinta was a BADDD BADDD girl back in Shimla. I went to the 'Mall road' and smiled. Then someone told me that her MMS is leaked. I bought a coloured-display phone and smiled like Asif Ali Zardari. THEN SHE BOUGHT PUNJAB’S IPL TEAM and my face turned like that of Sharad Pawar, who wants to speak out his thoughts but the poor words get struck between his teeth’s and lips.

Why, in this ‘Boob-oriented, Ass-dominating’ world, did she buy the IPL team under Punjab’s name? Weren’t Lame-Ass Parkash Singh Badal and his ‘Taare Zameen Par’ type son bad enough for us?

I know she won Godfrey Phillips National Bravery award for standing against Indian Mafia in Bharat Shah’s case. I also know she escaped death twice, but who in this world gave her the right to degrade, already ailing, Punjab even more? Even she will admit now that buying an IPL team was not a brave move.

Why do girls come to the rescue of a drowning man, who is in the water just to clean his shit-smeared ass?

whY wHY WHY??? ( I'm doing my bit to save our planet by asking questions in Green)

Both Preity Zinta and Cricket have one thing in common and that's the ‘FINE LEG’. But I still don’t understand, why she bought a cricket team when she can show her cleavage and earn fast bucks?

I watched ‘Kya Kehna’ and first thought it to be her Biography. It’s not my fault. In the movie, while kissing, hugging and doing *Beep* *Beep* with a random college guy, she seemed so real that I almost thought the I am watching them LIVE. She definitely re-lived her Shimla’s life on Silver screen. Didn’t she? My Mithu told me that she was actually fat when the scenes, in which she was portrayed pregnant, were shot.

She was so fat in that movie, that she could have tied a tent around her stomach and married off four orphan girls at once.

The Bikini which she wore in the movie ‘Soldier’ was bigger than what actresses wear on red carpet today. Anyhow, it was still a pleasure to watch.

Buying a Cricket team is cool if you have a rich unsuccessful boy-friend and couple of his ugly super-rich friends to pool in the money. I mean, even I would have bought something if I had a Rich Boy-Friend Girl friend. Today, I feel like saluting Preity Zinta, because having a team full of Tusshar Kapoor type players, and still having the guts to move in the field is incredible.

The Line-up (To Hug the owner)

1. Yuvraj Singh: I have to say, he looks pregnant. No doubt, Kim Sharma still looks like a man. He has changed more girls in his life than he has changed his cricket bat.

2. Mahela Jayawardana: He is the only Mahela in the world who is a male. Probably the second. India has  Nari Contractor. Wow what a decent, family oriented name to keep. Where was he born? On GB road?

3. Ravi Bopara: Preity bought Ravi Bopara and said that she is happy that she bought another Punjabi….. Okay, so she needed a Punjabi … Hmmmmm …. If she needed a Punjabi, maybe she should have bought YOGRAJ SINGH... Atleast it would hav let Yuvraj concentrate more on cricket.

4. Manvinder Bisla: Who?

5. Mohd. Kaif: Who in this world buys him? His own family have disowned him. He looks like his body is infected with termites and he (If ‘he’ is really ‘HE”) plays as if he is seducing Bobby darling. Preity bought Mohd. Kaif for couple of crores. GOSH!!! She simply proved that money can buy everything but brain.

6. Kumar Sangakkara: In India, we write Kumar after the name and this brave son of Ravaan’s land, write it in front. He was already battling with his own Identity crisis and whatever he was left with, was lost in IPL.

7. Ramesh Pawar: Allow me to laugh first. HAHAHAHAHAHA …. Come on. Is he even fit to play?
When his wife was expecting, he took her to the hospital and guess what, his wife was treated for Gastric trouble while he was admitted to the delivery room. He looks like a Halwai who has eaten all his Ladoo’s all by himself.

8. Sreesanth: The Bitch of Harbhajan. He has unnecessary aggression..... Chalo, if not the ball, atleast his mood swings.

9. Irfan Pathan: Apparently, he hits most sixes than any other batsmen in Kings XI. Rakhshanda Khan shot some arrows of love towards him but he was busy with the daughter of an Indian diplomat in Australia. Nice catch Boy. I hope, someday, you will take some catches in the cricket field and win us matches. Reality Check: "Pathan ki band ho rahi hai dukaan".

10. Piyush Chawla: YAWN!!!!!!

11. Brett Lee: Gora-Chora from the land of Kangaroo’s. He is seen running from his hotel room to Preity Zinta’s room. On paper, he is injured and taking rest but in reality I don’t think Preity bought him to play cricket.

Preity Zinta used to cheer even when Kings XI was getting its ass rubbed against nails. She got huge, hefty, filthy money by selling tickets and from sponsorships and TV rights. Neither she nor her clueless clumsy team lost. Only Kings XI Punjab’s loyal fans lost in this extravaganza display of thighs of 5-dollar sluts, shipped in illegal containers, from South Africa.

Thank God Kings XI Punjab was not formed during "Mahabharata" days.... They are such BIGGG losers that if they were Pandava's, they would have lost so much that Shakuni mama would have showered mercy on them and we would have never witnessed Draupadi's cheer haran . And the way they are playing, the draupadi of their team, Ms. Preity Zinta's cheer haran is also on its way in the fourth season.

Preity Zinta has finally realised that there are some places on this earth where talent counts. If not in Bollywood, then definitely in cricket. I hope she will remove some Arjun Rampal's caliber cricketer's and get some players who are well informed that Preity Zinta's hugs are mere part of the agreement and not the complete deal.

Preity Zinta has now realized that secretly hugging opposite team players can sometimes win her team matches, but mostly it charges the opposite team players and they screwed us right in our home ground.... 4 wins out of 14 games... This is worst then Dia Mirza's acting skills.

Preity Zinta is all set to add another Laurel in the cap of her achievements after the IPL ... She will be the first actor in the world to receive pension after her retirement.... After her team's dismal performance, she is out of money, and do need a constant pay once she retires.

To Ness Wadia: You guys have been making bed sheets from last 131 years and you yourself were unable to spread Preity Zinta on your own bed. Now that’s a pity. You are a bigger loser than Koena Mitra’s doctor who did plastic surgery on her nose.
You were also caught up in a heated verbal argument with Punjab Police. Dude, do anything in your life, you can also throw your shoe at any minister, but don't mess with country's Desi police. They are PUNJAB POLICE and not your marathi manoos who can be shooed away.

Last year your team management was accused of racism by not allowing call girls cheer girls of African origin to shake their booty. Are you nuts?? Who in this world don’t like seeing Black Asses colliding with each other? If your team can’t win matches, why can't you let the spectator’s entertain themselves by seeing God's marvels?

Haven’t you seen Beyonce and Rihanna or were you mesmerized by Oprah Winfrey?

Ellen Degeneres thought Oprah to be a male and said, ‘If this is what you call male, then Fuck it, I’m turning Lesbian’.

To Preity Zinta: Why did you buy the IPL team? Now you will be dragged to ‘Aap ki Adalat’ by Rajat Sharma and he will stare at your dimples as if they were twisted nipples. Believe me, that guy needs therapy.

You wore the same pair of jeans in each and every match. Why? Didn’t you allow Brett Lee to get in your pants this time?

I am not blaming you for Kings XI’s dire loss. I’m simply not giving you the credit for buying the team.

Admit it Girl …. From chul-bully famous BAD girl of Shimla, you have become an aunty of Not-on-my-couch types. A dog came in the field and instead of humping you; he started doing his thing on Ramesh Pawar. Thanks to that brave Son of a Bitch aka Dog, Ramesh Pawar- A cross between an alien and black lagoon, is no longer a Virgin.

 ....... and finally, you chose the perfect color for your team's outfit... The color RED... Your team played like Monkey's Ass.

Question to everyone: What did Preity Zinta's one dimple said to the other? ..... Answer: No matter how much weight Preity gains, we'll always have less fat

P.S.- Preity, I'll still accept you with all your flaws ... Oh Come on!!!!! There is no need to say thanks. Ab rulaegi kya mujhe?


                                                                                                 
                                                               - J.Walia

Made in India, used in Pakistan

Scan your eyes over the two pictures. Who are they?


Pic 1: I don’t know who she is. She may be Lalita Pawar, Tun-Tun, Mayawati without a Garland or a guy with man boobs. I really don’t care.

Pic 2: You kidding me or what. It’s Sania (KAIM-O-KAIM) Mirza aka TOTA

Look at these thundering thighs, these ‘Tangari Kababs’ direct from the holy city of Biryani. These legs forced every young Indian boy to start watching Tennis. These legs never ruled the Tennis court but I so love them when the skirt flirts and flies with every wild intermittent moves.

Now, imagine them leaving India.
Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..!! My heart cries out loud just at the mere mention of my ‘Mutton ki Dukan’ being stamped as ‘Made in India, used in Pakistan’. Since when did Pakistan owe up to such an authentic product?

I got absolute no issues with Sania marrying Shoaib..... As long as she keeps on flashing her mesmerising thighs.

My issue is with all the celebrities/news reporters who make us believe and stir our souls as if they are the only Indians alive. The only ones who rule the media and hence, are branded as those who have the right to live, as they are TRP turners. Duh...!!!

Do you Guys remember 26/11? Okay okay don’t scratch your brain as if it is a scratch card which claims to have an assured gift..... I'll give you a hint..... Nariman point? I know you must be thinking, “Yaar suna suna lag raha hai, par ek aur hint de do toh bilkul yaad aa jayega”  Okay, last hint: A hotel in Mumbai near Gateway of India, attacked by terrorists, who were obviously from the accredited ‘Spread Terrorism’ nation ......... Yes that same incident when few Pakistani terrorists came to India, as if they have come to a massage parlour run by hot babes, and killed MY FELLOW INDIANS.

Every news reporter literally cried on National Television. Now, the same news reporters are congratulating Sania Mirza for marrying Shoaib Malik. They are congratulating them not because they want them to be a blissful couple; they are doing so because they have got a Page 1 story and a chance to become Barkha Dutt. (A secret for success if you are a journalist: Everything and anything related to Pakistan will get you instant fame.) Now finally they will be able to pay the EMI of their German car, Japanese TV and an English styled house. Thanks to Sania-Shoaib saga which made the world go gaga.

All these celebrities are Hypocrites who being self centric only think about themselves. Australian’s beat up Indians and whole Bollywood issued a statement that they will not shoot in the Kangaroo land. Raj Thackery’s men thrashed North Indians on camera and the same celebrities were numb about it.

Why is Indian media, celebrities so biased, mean and self-centric? In short: Saale sab Kaminey kyun hai?

It is said that Shoaib’s first marriage (YES, this monkey ass was married earlier too), with Ayesha Siddqui, was done via phone. GREAT!

I am guessing this is how it must have been done.

Ayesha to Shoaib: Afghanistan ki capital ka naam kya hai?

Shoaib: Kabul

Ayesha: Kya hain?

Shoaib: Kabul Hain

Ayesha: Awaaz nahi aa rahi

Shoaib: Kabulllllllllllllllllll Hain.

.............................. And the Nikkah was done. WoW, technology you see.

What about their honeymoon?

Shoaib would have sent a SMS to Ayesha saying ‘SEX’ and Ayesha would have replied back with ‘Pregnant’. The SMS was not delivered and hence Ayesha’s miscarriage happened.

I am sure even the ET’s won’t have this technology till now.

Sania Mirza have married Shoaib, have become a potential Pakistani, will leave India and settle in Dubai but will continue playing for India. Madam ji, hum Bharatiyo par itni mehrbani karni ki kya jarurat thi?

She wants to play for India because Indian celebrities get highest order of name, fame and money. Moreover, what will she get playing for Pakistan? A new embroidered Burkha? How can my bombshell do away with that ‘Oomph factor’?

As I can roughly calculate, there are more than 100 crore Indians and 15 crore muslims and all she could stick her tongue out for was Shoaib Malik and that too from Pakistan? I have to say, her choice is worse than Arjun Rampal’s acting and Vidya Balan’s dressing sense.

Had it been an Indian guy marrying a Pakistani celebrity, all Mahila mandals would have come out from hiding, blocked Indian streets and burned the poor souls’s effigy and abused him shouting their lungs out.

Sania Mirza’a effigy was also made, not to be burned, but to be touched.

All said and done, we have to give it to Shoaib Malik. “No Indian was able to pin-down Sania. He simply uprooted her.” In Mithun da’s words, “Kya baat, kya baat, kya baat. A grand salute from my side. Simply chumaishwari performance.

Kudos to Shoaib for the outstanding growth in his progress card. Not in terms of his career but matrimony. From Ayesha to Sania ..... Now that’s an accomplishment people, must agree. Shoaib’s laurels are better than the combined GDP of USA, China and India.

To Shoaib: Please leave Sania and her triple T’s aka Totally Totta Thighs in India. Indian government was about to start a scheme under which all the BPL people were supposed to be shown exclusive pictures of Sania Mirza if one had a Ration card. She was the only source of porn to the poor and needy. "Gareebo ke pet par lat maar kar tune aacha nahi kiya Shoaib."

DO YOU KNOW: Sania have got two rings pierced in her body. One is the nose ring. You won’t be able to find the second ring. EVER. So, why did you marry a Mysterious Girl and became Peter Andre?

To Sania: Do you know that a great part of Pakistan is ruled by Taliban and they have banned the use of condoms?
Your full body will be X-ray scanned at Pakistan airport every day, throughout your life.
I think you are intelligent enough to understand what I mean to say ... Oh wait ... If you were intelligent, you would have not married Pilpela Kela aka Shoaib (Banned from Pakistan cricket) Malik

To whole Pakistan: Saalo, Kamino ..... IPL3 mein Pakistan ko nahi khelaya toh meri ... I mean ... hamari Sania Mirza ko he le gaye.

First time in the history you have scored a point over India.

If you want Sania Mirza, then you also have to take Rakhi Sawant and Bobby Darling. Instead, give us Fatima Bhutto. << Treat it as the legal Visa processing fee.

Finally, Pakistan can prove that India is exporting BOMB to their country.


P.S. - From today, on seeing Sania Mirza’s photograph, I’ll stop telling my friend ‘Eh, teri Bhabhi ae’.

                               

                                                                                                    J.Walia