An Open Letter to Sunny Leone

Dear Sri Sri Sri Sunny Le.One Ji

First of all, I’m thankful to your mother for giving birth to you, and to your father for lending her his Anmulle sperms. May god bless their departed souls and lure them with 72+72 virgins. They have no idea how much of a noble cause they have done for humanity by having sex 30 years ago. They didn’t sleep for one magical night and today, no one is able to sleep at nights - Few due to their jobs in call-centers and rest due to your religious and spiritual movies.

Secondly, thank you for coming to India. Now whenever my girlfriend goes through “Don’t Touch Me!” syndrome, I just tell her how good, perfect, professional, accurate and open-minded you’re in your movies and immediately she says, “Arre, mein toh mazaak kar rahi thi. Tum haath kya jo marzi lagao Jaaneman”.
Thank you very much. I owe you one penis.
You should have come to India before Diwali. Indians spend billions of rupees on getting their homes re-painted. Had you come a bit earlier, all the male members of the family would have painted the walls white. Free ki whitewash ho jati.

Since the day you entered India, average Indian penis size increased from 4.0” to 6.3”

Aapki shaan mein likhi kavitao ke majmooen se ek haqeer si kavita pesh kar raha hoon. Aapki nazar nawazi ka muntazir rahunga.
 

Sunny Leone… Aapke jaisa hai Kaun
Aap meri jungali billi, mein aapka Don
Aapki wajah se meine dekhni shuru ki Porn
Sunny Leone … Aapke jaisa hai Kaun

Aapki movies ne uda rakhi hai meri raaton ki Neendia
Aapki movies ko meine computer mein kar rakha hai Mr. India
Aap mehenga piyaaz, baki pornstars toh Bhindi-a
Saari Bollywood heroines aapke aage Chindi-a

Sunny Leone … Aapke jaisa hai Kaun
Meri GF banjar zameen, aap green Lawn
Whole world is thankful since the day you were Born
Sunny Leone … Aapke jaisa hai Kaun

Nasheeli aapki aakhein, Raseela aapka Badaan
You owe my Tan, Maan, Dhaan aur L…
Priya Rai aur  Silk Smitha, dono aapke aage Zero
In your next movie, I want to be the Lead Hero.

Sunny Leone … Aapke jaisa hai Kaun
You look good with or without a Thong
You’re Mother Teresa of Porn
Sunny Leone … Aapke jaisa hai Kaun

If ‘porn’ becomes a religion, you will be the goddess.

Hina Rabbani doesn’t even deserve to be your mistress. Poonam Pandey looks like Gai ka Gobar in front of you. You’re Aamir Khan of Sex, Shahrukh of Blowjobs, Salman of fake orgasm, and Sunny Deol of Kamasutra poses.
You’re Silk Smitha of world, Savita Bhabhi of Universe and Miss Pooja of seductive voices.

You’re the reason why my right wrist is rock solid.

You’re the reason why I turned MARD from a boy.

You’re the reason why the song, “Mere mehBOOB qayamat hogi” was made.

You’re the reason why Atal Bihari Vajpayee and Parkash Singh Badal are still alive.

You’re the reason Why this Kolaveri Di.

You’re the reason why the term ‘Apsara’ was coined.

You’re the reason why Silk Smitha committed suicide.

You’re the reason why I haven’t turned gay by now.

You’re the reason why the TV commercial “Kitna deti hai” was made.

You’re the reason why I love pussy cats.

You’re the reason why I sleep in my office and not at my place.

You’re the reason why Christopher Columbus thought America to be India. He always knew there is some connection, deep connection.

You’re the reason why I stopped missing Desibaba.com

You’re the reason why Indian public started purchasing colored screen phones and upgraded to a Broadband Internet connection.

You’re the reason why Sharad Pawar didn’t cry after getting slapped from Harvinder Singh. He knew if he would cry, it will create a bad impression on you.

You’re the reason why Harvinder Singh slapped Pawar because Singh knew Pawar is trying to create an impression on you.

You’re the reason why SRK is thinking to end his love relationship with Karan Johar and Arjun Rampal.

You’re the reason why I prefer my omelet Sunny side up.

You’re the reason why Indians started using tissue rolls.

After 9 months, there will be 100% population increase in India.

By just chanting your name 5 times, a man can ejaculate. You’re a natural cure for erectile dysfunction. I’m sure by now every Indian must have Googled, “Sunny Leone WITH clothes picx”. Best thing about you is that you look beautiful even in clothes.

Jab se aap aaye ho, India ki raatein bhi Sunny ho gayi hai.

I’m sure if your BF asks you whether you're a virgin, you’ll reply with a firm YES. #EveryGirlisSame

Sunny, I want to be your bitch.

P.S. - I typed the whole article with just one hand.     *wink*

                                                                                        - J.Walia

You can personally interact with me on my Facebook Page - J.Walia's Blog

SRK-Gauri Phone SEX

Tring Tring .. Tring Tring

Gauri: Hello, kaun bol raha hai?
SRK: Rukh Rukh kar mein Shah Rukh bol raha hoon.

G: Acha, kya kaam hai?
S: Kkkkkkkkkkuch nahi.. Waise he I Love You bolne ke liye phone kiya hai.

G: Bol diya na! Chalo, ab phone rakho. Mein kapde change kar rahi hoon.  *Giving 1st Hint*
S: Mmmmmmmmm. Yummy.

G: Hatt Naughty. Mera night suit nahi mil raha!!        *Giving 2nd Hint*
S: What are you wearing?

G: Bas tum ladko ko ek cheez he chahiye.              *Please please ask again, I won't do any more drame*

S: We love each other na? Pyaar mein yeh sab jaruri hota hai. Batao na what you are wearing.
G: Bra.One

S: Woooooooowwww! Uttaro na…
G: Na.One

S: You trust me, no?
G: Haan.One

S: Remove baby, remove your Santaro ke cheelke..
G: Na.One

S: Why? Is someone there?
G: Ya, Pra.One

S: Tell your brother to Ja.One
G: K.One

S: Is he gone?
G: Ya.One

S: I drank Complan and now my penis is Bigger, Taller and Stronger!
G: Wah.One

S: Shall I insert it in you?
G: Yes, Pa.One

S: You like it?   AhAhAaaaahhhh.One
G: *Yawn*   Hanji, tusi te pa tah  Gaa.One

S: Ah Ah Ah.One
G: *Snooring*   Wah Wah Wah.One

S: I’m about to come. I’m about to blast…….. t t  T  T   Tha.One
G: *Rolling Eyes*   Duh.One

S: ZzzzzZzzzzzzzZZZzzz.One

G: Iska toh ho gaya  K.O. One

Tring Tring .. Tring Tring

Gauri: Hello, Sallu.... Shahrukh toh ek baar mein he thak kar so gaya.... You come.    Tu Aa.One
Sallu: Kamaal karte ho Pandey Ji. Mein abhi aa kar bajata hu Pungi.One



                                                                                   - J.Walia

P.S. - You can personally interact with me on my Facebook Page - J.Walia's Blog

Harvinder 'SLAP' Singh - The MAN

NOTE: This comic (Lame attempt) was created for pure humour. I totally support Harvinder Singh.

                                                       Please join Harvinder Singh's Facebook Page.

                                                           - J.Walia

P.S. - You can personally interact with me on my Facebook Page - J.Walia's Blog

An Open Letter to Hina Rabbani

Mere Jigar ke Tukde  HINA,

Aap ki shaan mein ek sher arz kar raha hoom, gaur farmaiye jara:

Tumhare mukh par lagi laali, tum HOLI lagti ho

Sar par li tumne chunni, tum bahut BHOLI lagti ho

Tum itni gori, itne cute, bilkul ROLLI-POLLI lagti ho

Neele suit mein maa kasaam, tum Viagra ki GOLI lagti ho

                                                 ……. Tum Viagra ki GOLI lagti ho!!

By the time you finish reading this letter; more than 754316786 Indians would’ve already masturbated thinking about you, every Indian Internet user would have googled “Hina Rabbani Nude picx”, thousands of Indians must have displayed your picture as their computer’s wallpaper, and in all probability, many would have even licked their computer screens.    YUMMY!!!!

Indians have welcomed you in a way that even Hanuman ji has never welcomed Virgin Atal Bihari Vajpayee. You’re to India what Miss Pooja is to Punjab. 

You’re the third best thing that came out of Pakistan after Punjabi Stage shows and Coke Studio.

Earlier whole India was starstruck by the beauty of Fatima Bhutto, but she is not even close to your Bra ki Mael (Dirt).

You’re Madhuri Dixit of Pakistan, Shakira of Bootywood, Pamela Anderson of Bobbiestan, Kim Kardashian of Assland, African penis of Orgasmwood and Salman Khan of fake English accent.

You’re to India what a Virgin girl is to Thailand.    Simply PRICELESS.

India has already gifted Sania Mirza to Pakistan, it’s high time we get something worthwhile in return. You come to India permanently and in return, we will give Kashmir to Pakistan.  In addition to that,  we will also gift Nepal and all its Chawkidars and Momo makers to Pakistan.

You’re the reason that no one is buying Shilajit and Japani tel in India, anymore. Practically, why would anyone need it if they can rise their building naturally?

You’re a Muslim, I’m a Sikh, and we both have so much in common. Apart from being the strongest, gutsiest in the world, we both are also the most hairiest, all thanks to the No-Shaving clause. It’s no hidden secret that the pleasure a Sikh can give to a woman, no one else can. If you don’t believe me then ask Manmohan Singh’s wife Sonia Gandhi Gursharan Kaur. Oh wait, ahhh….. Forget Gursharan, ask Hema Malini. Yehhhhh!!!!      So you can jump on my weiner and feel like home. I can be your Baharwala.

"You’re the only reason why the term MILF was invented."

As they say, at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. After seeing your mesmerizing beauty, my penis heart has written a poem exhibiting my true love for you.

I'll be your Kucchi Poo
First let me touch you.

Let me do the bed Disco
Else India se Khisko

Banuga tera mein Tipu Sultan
Just give me my Santaan

Meri behn banegi humare bacho ki bua
Let's do oooooaaaaa OOOOO AAAAA

Banuga tere bacho ka mein daddy
Let's play bed Kabaddi

We will give you Kashmir
First let me draw your Nude tasveer

Aaja parh le pyaar ka ABCD
Mat kar mera tu KLPD

Vaigra kha kar baith hu, mat kar meri waste tu goli
Intention toh tu mere samajh he gayi hogi, itni bhi nahi hai tu bholi !!

Finally, it can be proved that Pakistan is exporting BOMB in India.

After seeing Fatima Bhutto and you, saala dushmano ko pyaar karne ka dil karta hai.

Thank you for Cumming coming to India, and for your tremendous beauty, I give you a Standing Dickvation.

I love you Jaan !!




India - Pakistan --> “Divided by Jinnah, united by Hina”

P.S. - You can personally interact with me on my Facebook Page - J.Walia's Blog

                        
                                                                                                            

                                                                                                         -  J.Walia

An Open Letter to Poonam Pandey

Dear Poo,

I must tell you, your name sounds like a fart, but aapke husan ki kya baat kya BAAT KYA BAAT

POONAM PANDEY - The first time I heard you name, I thought you to be an old lady with a wrinkled forehead and with breasts growing downwards. But then I googled you and, I must admit, I was left star-struck. Immediately, Bryan Adams’s “I wanna be - your underwear” ringed my brain cells. I just hope you don’t wear a Nade wala Kaccha like me. I searched ‘Poonam Pandey hot pics’, and a feeling of accomplishment came in my dick heart. I felt good. I felt the same way Anna Hazare’s eyes and stomach felt after seeing food. I felt the same way a Pendu feels after cumming coming to Chandigarh or the same way Rakhi Sawant felt after getting her penis removed. I felt COMPLETE.

Since the day you announced that you’ll strip naked if Indian team wins the Cricket World Cup, I stopped watching porn. I even deleted, freshly downloaded, “Virgin Punjaban” porn movie. You have no idea how difficult it is to get a porn movie with a virgin girl making her debut. There is a possibility that Pakistan may stop producing terrorists, but getting a virgin girl’s seal breaking video is as impossible as getting quota system being removed from India.

I’m sure by now you must have been ‘Tested OK’ by Vijay Mallya and the quality check must have been done by his son, Siddharth Mallya. If those guys passed you, I’m sure Indian audience will lust love you. Allow my penis to be a Kingfisher bottle and let your vagina be the bottle opener, and I’m sure we both will be the King of good times. By now, many Indians would have selected your bikini clad picture as their computer’s background, and some of them would’ve even licked it.

PETA president asked you to strip for animals. There is no need to strip for God-made dogs when you can strip for Man-made dogs aka Humans. There is no harm in removing clothes for the country. Even Mahatma Gandhi did that. Though he removed his clothes mainly to insert his Khadi pole in the Charkha hole of his niece, other females he used to sleep naked with, and that male German bodybuilder. Everyone is born naked, so removing clothes is like going back to basics, being at ground zero, back to square one. Whosoever says that it will be against Indian tradition if you shed your clothes, is talking like that Vegetarian guy who first delivers a lecture that we shouldn’t eat meat, we shouldn’t eat non-veg, and then goes back to his place, strips his wife naked, eats her lips, her br****, her p**$y, and then does all that non-veg stuff with her.     Huh!!! Bloody Hypocrites.
I’m sure you won’t disappoint me and aap apne kapde utarogi jhatpat phataphat.

"I’m taking for granted that your face is also pretty."

If you strip naked, you’ll become Silk Smitha of modern India. You will become a real-life example of Savita Bhabhi. You’ll replace all naked structures in Ajanta-Ellora caves. Your Shakti Kapoor kind of act can be used to lure Atal Bihari Vajpayee to marry, L.K. Advani to stop dreaming about becoming the Prime Minister, and it can even force Moraji Desai to be re-born, drink his own urine, and die again. You’ll become goddess of every Indian virgin and help them paint their walls white.

Here’s a small poem I’ve written in your honour


You be my maid, I’ll be your Shiney
You be my Bullet, I’ll be your Kiney
You be my Monica, I’ll be your Clinton
Please strip naked and let me have some fun

I’ll be your Raja, You be my 2G spectrum
Please wear minimum, so that I can see the Maximum
I’ll be your Ramdev, you be my Yoga
Fikar na kar, jo hona hai woh hoga

You be my Amarjot, I’ll be your Chamkila
You be my Billi, I’ll be your Billa
You be my condom, I’ll be your iPill
Tere husan ne mera hai churaya Dil

I’ll be your Farmville, you be my angry bird
I’ll be your Allo Parantha, you be my plain curd
I’ll be your India, you be my corruption
I’ll be your G-spot, you be my eruption

Yo! Be my Bitch, I’ll be Yo! Daddy
When it starts to leak blood, Yo! Wear the paddy
Remove the fucking clothes, when Yo! Ready
You’re a playgirl, Yo! Every virgin’s teddy.

I’ll be your Laalu, You be my Chara
Kapde outar de, keh raha Walia bechara
Beta Poo, yeh mauka phir na aayega dobara
“Vaada pura karo” hai har Bharatiye ka naara

Aap ne cricket ke mauke par, naked hone ka aisa chauka mara ki pura India is chance ko dekhne ke liye dance karne lag gaya. I must say, what an idea Madamji….. What an Idea!
If you somehow keep up to your promise, then my grand salute to you, else I’m sure few Indian will assemble at Jantar Mantar and observe No-masturbation-till-Poonam-Pandey-gets-naked celibacy.

In the end I just wanna say that you made the World Cup more interesting.

Poo, it’s an honour to say, “You make my pants go TIGHT!!!”          Ouch!!  Zip tutt gayi


Yours seductively

J.Walia

Not Prei(e)ty anymore

Someone once told me that Preity Zinta was a BADDD BADDD girl back in Shimla. I went to the 'Mall road' and smiled. Then someone told me that her MMS is leaked. I bought a coloured-display phone and smiled like Asif Ali Zardari. THEN SHE BOUGHT PUNJAB’S IPL TEAM and my face turned like that of Sharad Pawar, who wants to speak out his thoughts but the poor words get struck between his teeth’s and lips.

Why, in this ‘Boob-oriented, Ass-dominating’ world, did she buy the IPL team under Punjab’s name? Weren’t Lame-Ass Parkash Singh Badal and his ‘Taare Zameen Par’ type son bad enough for us?

I know she won Godfrey Phillips National Bravery award for standing against Indian Mafia in Bharat Shah’s case. I also know she escaped death twice, but who in this world gave her the right to degrade, already ailing, Punjab even more? Even she will admit now that buying an IPL team was not a brave move.

Why do girls come to the rescue of a drowning man, who is in the water just to clean his shit-smeared ass?

whY wHY WHY??? ( I'm doing my bit to save our planet by asking questions in Green)

Both Preity Zinta and Cricket have one thing in common and that's the ‘FINE LEG’. But I still don’t understand, why she bought a cricket team when she can show her cleavage and earn fast bucks?

I watched ‘Kya Kehna’ and first thought it to be her Biography. It’s not my fault. In the movie, while kissing, hugging and doing *Beep* *Beep* with a random college guy, she seemed so real that I almost thought the I am watching them LIVE. She definitely re-lived her Shimla’s life on Silver screen. Didn’t she? My Mithu told me that she was actually fat when the scenes, in which she was portrayed pregnant, were shot.

She was so fat in that movie, that she could have tied a tent around her stomach and married off four orphan girls at once.

The Bikini which she wore in the movie ‘Soldier’ was bigger than what actresses wear on red carpet today. Anyhow, it was still a pleasure to watch.

Buying a Cricket team is cool if you have a rich unsuccessful boy-friend and couple of his ugly super-rich friends to pool in the money. I mean, even I would have bought something if I had a Rich Boy-Friend Girl friend. Today, I feel like saluting Preity Zinta, because having a team full of Tusshar Kapoor type players, and still having the guts to move in the field is incredible.

The Line-up (To Hug the owner)

1. Yuvraj Singh: I have to say, he looks pregnant. No doubt, Kim Sharma still looks like a man. He has changed more girls in his life than he has changed his cricket bat.

2. Mahela Jayawardana: He is the only Mahela in the world who is a male. Probably the second. India has  Nari Contractor. Wow what a decent, family oriented name to keep. Where was he born? On GB road?

3. Ravi Bopara: Preity bought Ravi Bopara and said that she is happy that she bought another Punjabi….. Okay, so she needed a Punjabi … Hmmmmm …. If she needed a Punjabi, maybe she should have bought YOGRAJ SINGH... Atleast it would hav let Yuvraj concentrate more on cricket.

4. Manvinder Bisla: Who?

5. Mohd. Kaif: Who in this world buys him? His own family have disowned him. He looks like his body is infected with termites and he (If ‘he’ is really ‘HE”) plays as if he is seducing Bobby darling. Preity bought Mohd. Kaif for couple of crores. GOSH!!! She simply proved that money can buy everything but brain.

6. Kumar Sangakkara: In India, we write Kumar after the name and this brave son of Ravaan’s land, write it in front. He was already battling with his own Identity crisis and whatever he was left with, was lost in IPL.

7. Ramesh Pawar: Allow me to laugh first. HAHAHAHAHAHA …. Come on. Is he even fit to play?
When his wife was expecting, he took her to the hospital and guess what, his wife was treated for Gastric trouble while he was admitted to the delivery room. He looks like a Halwai who has eaten all his Ladoo’s all by himself.

8. Sreesanth: The Bitch of Harbhajan. He has unnecessary aggression..... Chalo, if not the ball, atleast his mood swings.

9. Irfan Pathan: Apparently, he hits most sixes than any other batsmen in Kings XI. Rakhshanda Khan shot some arrows of love towards him but he was busy with the daughter of an Indian diplomat in Australia. Nice catch Boy. I hope, someday, you will take some catches in the cricket field and win us matches. Reality Check: "Pathan ki band ho rahi hai dukaan".

10. Piyush Chawla: YAWN!!!!!!

11. Brett Lee: Gora-Chora from the land of Kangaroo’s. He is seen running from his hotel room to Preity Zinta’s room. On paper, he is injured and taking rest but in reality I don’t think Preity bought him to play cricket.

Preity Zinta used to cheer even when Kings XI was getting its ass rubbed against nails. She got huge, hefty, filthy money by selling tickets and from sponsorships and TV rights. Neither she nor her clueless clumsy team lost. Only Kings XI Punjab’s loyal fans lost in this extravaganza display of thighs of 5-dollar sluts, shipped in illegal containers, from South Africa.

Thank God Kings XI Punjab was not formed during "Mahabharata" days.... They are such BIGGG losers that if they were Pandava's, they would have lost so much that Shakuni mama would have showered mercy on them and we would have never witnessed Draupadi's cheer haran . And the way they are playing, the draupadi of their team, Ms. Preity Zinta's cheer haran is also on its way in the fourth season.

Preity Zinta has finally realised that there are some places on this earth where talent counts. If not in Bollywood, then definitely in cricket. I hope she will remove some Arjun Rampal's caliber cricketer's and get some players who are well informed that Preity Zinta's hugs are mere part of the agreement and not the complete deal.

Preity Zinta has now realized that secretly hugging opposite team players can sometimes win her team matches, but mostly it charges the opposite team players and they screwed us right in our home ground.... 4 wins out of 14 games... This is worst then Dia Mirza's acting skills.

Preity Zinta is all set to add another Laurel in the cap of her achievements after the IPL ... She will be the first actor in the world to receive pension after her retirement.... After her team's dismal performance, she is out of money, and do need a constant pay once she retires.

To Ness Wadia: You guys have been making bed sheets from last 131 years and you yourself were unable to spread Preity Zinta on your own bed. Now that’s a pity. You are a bigger loser than Koena Mitra’s doctor who did plastic surgery on her nose.
You were also caught up in a heated verbal argument with Punjab Police. Dude, do anything in your life, you can also throw your shoe at any minister, but don't mess with country's Desi police. They are PUNJAB POLICE and not your marathi manoos who can be shooed away.

Last year your team management was accused of racism by not allowing call girls cheer girls of African origin to shake their booty. Are you nuts?? Who in this world don’t like seeing Black Asses colliding with each other? If your team can’t win matches, why can't you let the spectator’s entertain themselves by seeing God's marvels?

Haven’t you seen Beyonce and Rihanna or were you mesmerized by Oprah Winfrey?

Ellen Degeneres thought Oprah to be a male and said, ‘If this is what you call male, then Fuck it, I’m turning Lesbian’.

To Preity Zinta: Why did you buy the IPL team? Now you will be dragged to ‘Aap ki Adalat’ by Rajat Sharma and he will stare at your dimples as if they were twisted nipples. Believe me, that guy needs therapy.

You wore the same pair of jeans in each and every match. Why? Didn’t you allow Brett Lee to get in your pants this time?

I am not blaming you for Kings XI’s dire loss. I’m simply not giving you the credit for buying the team.

Admit it Girl …. From chul-bully famous BAD girl of Shimla, you have become an aunty of Not-on-my-couch types. A dog came in the field and instead of humping you; he started doing his thing on Ramesh Pawar. Thanks to that brave Son of a Bitch aka Dog, Ramesh Pawar- A cross between an alien and black lagoon, is no longer a Virgin.

 ....... and finally, you chose the perfect color for your team's outfit... The color RED... Your team played like Monkey's Ass.

Question to everyone: What did Preity Zinta's one dimple said to the other? ..... Answer: No matter how much weight Preity gains, we'll always have less fat

P.S.- Preity, I'll still accept you with all your flaws ... Oh Come on!!!!! There is no need to say thanks. Ab rulaegi kya mujhe?


                                                                                                 
                                                               - J.Walia

Made in India, used in Pakistan

Scan your eyes over the two pictures. Who are they?


Pic 1: I don’t know who she is. She may be Lalita Pawar, Tun-Tun, Mayawati without a Garland or a guy with man boobs. I really don’t care.

Pic 2: You kidding me or what. It’s Sania (KAIM-O-KAIM) Mirza aka TOTA

Look at these thundering thighs, these ‘Tangari Kababs’ direct from the holy city of Biryani. These legs forced every young Indian boy to start watching Tennis. These legs never ruled the Tennis court but I so love them when the skirt flirts and flies with every wild intermittent moves.

Now, imagine them leaving India.
Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..!! My heart cries out loud just at the mere mention of my ‘Mutton ki Dukan’ being stamped as ‘Made in India, used in Pakistan’. Since when did Pakistan owe up to such an authentic product?

I got absolute no issues with Sania marrying Shoaib..... As long as she keeps on flashing her mesmerising thighs.

My issue is with all the celebrities/news reporters who make us believe and stir our souls as if they are the only Indians alive. The only ones who rule the media and hence, are branded as those who have the right to live, as they are TRP turners. Duh...!!!

Do you Guys remember 26/11? Okay okay don’t scratch your brain as if it is a scratch card which claims to have an assured gift..... I'll give you a hint..... Nariman point? I know you must be thinking, “Yaar suna suna lag raha hai, par ek aur hint de do toh bilkul yaad aa jayega”  Okay, last hint: A hotel in Mumbai near Gateway of India, attacked by terrorists, who were obviously from the accredited ‘Spread Terrorism’ nation ......... Yes that same incident when few Pakistani terrorists came to India, as if they have come to a massage parlour run by hot babes, and killed MY FELLOW INDIANS.

Every news reporter literally cried on National Television. Now, the same news reporters are congratulating Sania Mirza for marrying Shoaib Malik. They are congratulating them not because they want them to be a blissful couple; they are doing so because they have got a Page 1 story and a chance to become Barkha Dutt. (A secret for success if you are a journalist: Everything and anything related to Pakistan will get you instant fame.) Now finally they will be able to pay the EMI of their German car, Japanese TV and an English styled house. Thanks to Sania-Shoaib saga which made the world go gaga.

All these celebrities are Hypocrites who being self centric only think about themselves. Australian’s beat up Indians and whole Bollywood issued a statement that they will not shoot in the Kangaroo land. Raj Thackery’s men thrashed North Indians on camera and the same celebrities were numb about it.

Why is Indian media, celebrities so biased, mean and self-centric? In short: Saale sab Kaminey kyun hai?

It is said that Shoaib’s first marriage (YES, this monkey ass was married earlier too), with Ayesha Siddqui, was done via phone. GREAT!

I am guessing this is how it must have been done.

Ayesha to Shoaib: Afghanistan ki capital ka naam kya hai?

Shoaib: Kabul

Ayesha: Kya hain?

Shoaib: Kabul Hain

Ayesha: Awaaz nahi aa rahi

Shoaib: Kabulllllllllllllllllll Hain.

.............................. And the Nikkah was done. WoW, technology you see.

What about their honeymoon?

Shoaib would have sent a SMS to Ayesha saying ‘SEX’ and Ayesha would have replied back with ‘Pregnant’. The SMS was not delivered and hence Ayesha’s miscarriage happened.

I am sure even the ET’s won’t have this technology till now.

Sania Mirza have married Shoaib, have become a potential Pakistani, will leave India and settle in Dubai but will continue playing for India. Madam ji, hum Bharatiyo par itni mehrbani karni ki kya jarurat thi?

She wants to play for India because Indian celebrities get highest order of name, fame and money. Moreover, what will she get playing for Pakistan? A new embroidered Burkha? How can my bombshell do away with that ‘Oomph factor’?

As I can roughly calculate, there are more than 100 crore Indians and 15 crore muslims and all she could stick her tongue out for was Shoaib Malik and that too from Pakistan? I have to say, her choice is worse than Arjun Rampal’s acting and Vidya Balan’s dressing sense.

Had it been an Indian guy marrying a Pakistani celebrity, all Mahila mandals would have come out from hiding, blocked Indian streets and burned the poor souls’s effigy and abused him shouting their lungs out.

Sania Mirza’a effigy was also made, not to be burned, but to be touched.

All said and done, we have to give it to Shoaib Malik. “No Indian was able to pin-down Sania. He simply uprooted her.” In Mithun da’s words, “Kya baat, kya baat, kya baat. A grand salute from my side. Simply chumaishwari performance.

Kudos to Shoaib for the outstanding growth in his progress card. Not in terms of his career but matrimony. From Ayesha to Sania ..... Now that’s an accomplishment people, must agree. Shoaib’s laurels are better than the combined GDP of USA, China and India.

To Shoaib: Please leave Sania and her triple T’s aka Totally Totta Thighs in India. Indian government was about to start a scheme under which all the BPL people were supposed to be shown exclusive pictures of Sania Mirza if one had a Ration card. She was the only source of porn to the poor and needy. "Gareebo ke pet par lat maar kar tune aacha nahi kiya Shoaib."

DO YOU KNOW: Sania have got two rings pierced in her body. One is the nose ring. You won’t be able to find the second ring. EVER. So, why did you marry a Mysterious Girl and became Peter Andre?

To Sania: Do you know that a great part of Pakistan is ruled by Taliban and they have banned the use of condoms?
Your full body will be X-ray scanned at Pakistan airport every day, throughout your life.
I think you are intelligent enough to understand what I mean to say ... Oh wait ... If you were intelligent, you would have not married Pilpela Kela aka Shoaib (Banned from Pakistan cricket) Malik

To whole Pakistan: Saalo, Kamino ..... IPL3 mein Pakistan ko nahi khelaya toh meri ... I mean ... hamari Sania Mirza ko he le gaye.

First time in the history you have scored a point over India.

If you want Sania Mirza, then you also have to take Rakhi Sawant and Bobby Darling. Instead, give us Fatima Bhutto. << Treat it as the legal Visa processing fee.

Finally, Pakistan can prove that India is exporting BOMB to their country.


P.S. - From today, on seeing Sania Mirza’s photograph, I’ll stop telling my friend ‘Eh, teri Bhabhi ae’.

                               

                                                                                                    J.Walia